ERCP SCHEDULED & PRAYERS REQUESTED!

Dearest faithful and brave followers,

I added brave because where I am about to go isn’t pretty.  Thank you for journeying alongside me through this unexpected and unpleasant season.  This past 2 weeks have taken a drastic turn where the intensity of my pain has increased while simultaneously my energy and hope have plummeted.  The hardest part is I thought the finish line was close (I met with Dr. Singh this past Tuesday after 6 days in the hospital and expected a clean, quick fix) and instead was met with a long journey ahead.  After 6 months of chronic pain, I am empty and have nothing left but tears.  I no longer have the strength or will to keep going.  I have come to the place where I feel like the paralytic in the Bible and unless Jesus heals me, I will not live, but will just be.  I have never been at this place before where I am completely dependent on the Lord.  I am learning how to REALLY ask for help.  My dear friend Annie wrote the update below on Wed (3/28).  My dear friend Sarah wrote a prayer Thurs (3/29).  I am asking those who wish to pray for me and Jack to use the prayers below.  For those of you interested in taking a specific time of the day to pray daily these 2 prayers for Jack and me please email my mom, Sue, at sueknits@comcast.net with the time (i.e. 7AM or lunchtime, etc.)  She can compile a list of who is praying for us when.  There is something really powerful about having a prayer said in unison over you.  I don’t have strength to check my email, so all I ask is that you pray.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

***This is Annie Michaels, Becky's friend from Chicago! I got to be with her this week. She's at home today and looking good, but since her energy is precious these days I know it's sometimes hard for her to correspond with everyone she would like to, so I thought I'd add a quick update to her blog for you all. Thank you for your continued prayer and support in all sorts of ways. It is so, so appreciated!

Becky has had a very full and long week.

She was admitted to the Lancaster General Hospital one week ago today, with the hope of letting her pancreas get some rest. She continues to experience the stabbing knife abdominal pain after she eats and drinks, so it was good to be in a place where she was getting enough IV liquids and some help managing the pain.

Notable events in this trip to the hospital included one crazy roommate who had the lights on all night and the TV blaring. It was rather obnoxious. Thankfully, after that experience, Becky was transferred to her own room that had a beautiful view of the city. As usual, there was a mix of characters attending to her medical needs. The shining star amidst them all was her nurse named Amy, who was divinely assigned to Becky’s room for three of the days she was there, and was going to be moving to a new position in the hospital the next week (she’ll be working in the O.R. instead). Anyways, Amy, is the epitome of a gentle and competent nurse. She brightened the room whenever she was there, she was always a step ahead of her patients’ needs, and no task was below her. We were all thankful for Amy’s care, and hope that she can be a role model for many young, new nurses in her field!

All in all, Becky was in the hospital for 6 days.

Becky was determined to get out of the hospital because she had a big appointment scheduled with Dr. Singh at Johns Hopkins yesterday (Tuesday). Dr. Singh wanted to meet in person to go over the results of the test she sent away for over six weeks ago now. After making it through the maze of buildings, as well as being part of a fire drill while we were sitting in the waiting room (Everyone - doctors, security guards, visitors, and even a cart of lab rats - had to wait outside until it was over!), we got to see Dr. Singh.

Dr. Singh’s news was that the next step is for Becky to get an ERCP. This is the procedure she had originally scheduled back in February, but got postponed on account of doing the genetic testing. Well, the ERCP is back on the calendar again for April 9th. She will most likely be in the hospital for a few days following that procedure.

That is the news for now. I’m sure she’ll be updating again after she has the ERCP.

Also, I just want to say something that she would never say about herself… Becky handles being in the hospital and having people poking her and waking her up all the time with the greatest grace. It is amazing that amidst the excruciating pain that she is in, she is kind and thankful towards all who come to her bedside. She is beautiful even in times of great weakness, and even in the most unfashionable of hospital gowns! (We were talking about how there has got to be a market for prettier hospital gown wear….any entrepreneurs out there want to go for that?). At any rate, I only hope I can exhibit that level of graciousness if I am ever confronted with such trials! Not that this is new information, but she’s amazing!

Prayer from Sarah for Becky:

God, with your infinite power, please, please, PLEASE re-draw the boundary lines around Becky so that they may fall in pleasant places.  Freedom from pain.  A renewed body.  RESTORED HOPE.  So that her lips can sing praises to you again… In Jesus Name.  Amen.

Prayer from Becky for Jack:

Dear loving and merciful Lord, please infuse Jack with your strength, encouragement, comfort and peace.  May Jack be cocooned in love and support by those around him while he takes cares of his hurting wife.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

Final news and a praise to God – my GI doctor from the hospital in Lancaster, Dr. Harberson, called and gave me his cell phone number and asked that I call him.  Jack called him Friday morning.  Dr. Harberson fought the insurance company for denying my latest hospital stay and as a result the insurance company has agreed to cover my stay.  Hallelujah!  In addition, Dr. Harberson is incredibly compassionate to the place I am at – “no quality of life”.  He spoke with Dr. Singh (the Johns Hopkins doctor) and was better able to explain the situation.  It may not sound that impressive or major, but after Dr. Singh on Tuesday and Dr. Bethards (my gastropersis doctor at Hershey on Thursday) saying everything so matter of fact, it feels like the best day in a while when a doctor can show emotion on the phone and be upset at the situation and express the awfulness of it.  Today (Saturday) has been a brighter day.  I am thankful for each ray of light that enters this dark season.

Agape love,

Becky

PARTIAL NEWS

Faithful friends and family,

I have partial news.  The lab work in California is completed and the results have been faxed to Dr. Singh at Johns Hopkins.  Dr. Singh received the results today, so we are talking hot off the press.  (I found this out from the lab.)  I emailed Dr. Singh’s assistant to find out what the results were and this was the assistant’s response, “Rebecca, take a deep breath and relax.  Dr. Singh just got back in the country.  Once he tells me what next, I will let you know.”

Relax!  I was supposed to get these results at the LATEST by Wednesday and NOW it is Friday.  Relax!  I have been in horrific pain for over 5 months going on 6 months and the pain has only gotten worse.  Relax!  I never know when these attacks are coming or how long they will last.  Relax!  My disability insurance wants to terminate coverage.  Relax!  I am concerned about losing my job.  Relax!  I have been on a liquid diet for over 2 weeks!  Relax!

I waited as patiently as I could.  After 6 hours of waiting (not to mention the past 5 weeks), I called the assistant and asked, “Is Dr. Singh in the office today? If not, when is he returning?”  I thought maybe the results could be faxed to my primary care physician.  The assistant informed me that Dr. Singh is in surgery all day today, but did look over my lab results.  He would like to meet with me face to face to go over different options.  His schedule is booked solid for over a month, but the assistant will try to get me an appointment to see Dr. Singh in 2 weeks.  (No appointment date at this time.)

This is why I say partial news.  The lab work is completed, but I will not know what the next step is until I meet with Dr. Singh.  More waiting.  <Sigh>  However, I feel more at peace knowing the lab work is complete and there are options.  I promise to keep you posted, once I know more. 

Thank you for your continued prayers.  I have felt like I was in Gethsemane for the past few days – I have felt rejected by God and crushed with guilt, fear, stress and confusion.  I trust there is purpose to the endurance of physical, emotional and spiritual pain, but Jack and I are in a fragile and depleted place.  It is challenging to stay positive.  One of my favorite songs is Blessed Be Your Name.  One of the lyrics is “you give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name”.  This is what Jack and I are choosing.  We are thanking God even though we cannot yet see the blessings.  Would you join us in thanking and praising God?  He has provided us with an amazing community of love, support and encouragement…that is YOU!  God has also blessed us with medical care and provision for our every need.  My prayer request this evening would be for restful sleep, eyes that see beyond the circumstances, and a peaceful heart and mind.  Please remember Jack in your prayers, as he is strong for me, but weary as well.  Blessings to each of you.

Love and gratitude,

Becky

WEARY, BUT THANKFUL

Hello dearest friends,

I had a nudge this morning from the Holy Spirit to write an update.  It was affirmed when Jack said, “I think you should write a blog entry today.”

The biggest news is a beautiful, brave and beloved friend met the creator of the universe yesterday evening.  Cherie Riggs ran not a good, but an outstanding race blessing all on her path and many to come.  (Cherie was involved with trial cancer drugs/treatments and thanks to her participation, some are now being approved and will help others battling cancer.)  We are thankful that she is no longer suffering and is at a place with no tears. 

However, there are a lot of tears here on earth.  I continue to ask for prayers, for Cherie’s beloved husband, Randy.  He is the head pastor of our church, an advocate for our community, a mentor, a friend, a father, a grandfather, and more.  My prayer is that God would reveal greater depths of His infinite love and peace to Randy’s heart and guide Randy’s friends (including me) to know how to love and support Randy in helpful ways.  Every one has good intentions, but sometimes words can be hurtful when they were meant to be comforting. 

I also ask that you would pray for Cherie’s family and close friends and for the Lord’s comfort and peace to surround them as they grieve.  I am so thankful for each of you who do not even know the Riggs, but are remembering them in your prayers.  I cannot explain it, but I felt a real closeness with Cherie as a minister’s wife whose strength came from the Lord and not her own body.

Last night, I felt so guilty for asking for prayers for myself, when my situation is not fatal.  Shortly after I shared my guilt with Jack, I was walloped with wave after wave of horrible pain.  After liquid morphine, in addition to my daily pill pain medication, and a few hours of screaming, the pain subsided.  I whispered to Jack, “Now I remember why I ask for prayers.”  Praise be to God, every day does not include horrific, long lasting pain attacks!  I even went Tuesday without any pain at all.  When I have good days, I start to think I am cured and even my memory blots out how bad the pain has been.  I start to think I am invincible.

Since my last posting, I have few updates about my journey.  I had a really bad week of pain and vomiting, so I have been on a liquid diet for 8 days.  This has helped reduced the pain attacks and stopped the vomiting.  Now, I average about one bad pain attack a day, but otherwise am pain free.  The liquid diet and increase in morphine, have caused me to be incredibly drowsy to the extent that I can be talking and fall asleep midsentence.  I have about 1 good hour of alertness a day.  Thus, I sleep anywhere between 16-20 hours a day. 

I have been anxious to get my lab results back from California.  I asked Jack last week and this week to call the lab.  The response was the same both times – “Hopefully, by March 14^th your blood work will be finished being processed.  Good news, your insurance approved it.”  As disheartened as I am to wait some more, I am thankful for insurance to cover the cost and pain medication to keep me comfortable the majority of the time. 

I would be lying if I didn’t say I am weary.  My heart aches for the Riggs’s family.  My body aches from attacks of pain for the past 5.5 months.  I am not as peppy, but my heart is still rejoicing that blessings are present even in the desert.  Jack and I truly don’t know how we could have made it this long without the prayers and community of love and support.  Your prayers and love really do make a difference!  I am once again sleepy, but wanted to use my energy for the day to send an update and thank you for your prayers.

Blessings, love and continued gratitude,

Becky