Dearest faithful friends and family,
I am so thankful for the gift of email and blogs. Encouraging words and prayers always seem to come at just the divine time. I have also found it helpful to read over my past updates to remind myself how far I have come and all of the healing that the Lord has already allowed to take place.
I have delayed writing this update because I desire to ride the wave of jubilation as long as possible. I have had several tough blows in the past three weeks. My emotions have included discouragement, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, and fear. I know fear is not from the Lord, and the Holy Spirit has equipped me for each blow. I have decided to share details for three reasons:
1) PURPOSE - the purpose of my blog is not only to keep friends and family updated, but to encourage others with chronic pain. I would be compromising my purpose if I stopped sharing the hurdles.
2) PRAYER - I need prayer warriors to come along side of me during this rough patch, so I may keep my eyes fixed on the Lord.
3) GLORIFY - the Lord has been incredibly faithful and provided tremendous provision. The Lord's provision is intertwined with events of heartache. I often tell my husband, Jack, that I want to get the most mileage out of this season, so if there is any way I can be a blessing that I am neglecting, please let me know.
Listed below are the three tough blows that have occurred over the past 3 weeks:
1) I lost my job. My employment and benefits have been terminated as of 5/31/12.
2) I began experiencing intense morphine withdrawal symptoms including insomnia, leg pain (it feels like my calf muscle is trying to separate from the bone), intense stomach cramping, diarrhea and nausea.
This has gone on for over two weeks.
3) I was sent to the ER to confirm that I have a blood clot in my arm. It feels like shards of glass are stuck in my arm.
Thankfully, this is not the end. An outpouring of blessings have hemmed me in front and behind.
I am working on writing out all of the blessings from the past few weeks and it is turning into a novel. Thus, I will provide a few examples and, hopefully, in the next few days post on my blog more details for those interested.
Blessings a few days prior to losing my job and starting withdrawal symptoms:
1) time with out of state friends who energized and helped me have fresh eyes to all of the beauty surrounding me
2) prayers in person, over the phone, and silent prayers by friends and people I have never met
3) hearing confirmation of answered prayers in friends' lives
4) hearing the most powerful message on Jonah hours before the call from HR to let me know of my employment termination
Blessings after the news of my employment termination and withdrawal symptoms beginning:
1) being able to host a bridal shower for my sister (I couldn't get out of bed the morning of and at 4 PM the pain lifted - the shower began at 4:30 - talk about divine timing!)
2) receiving a CD in the mail from someone I had never met (we share a mutual friend) sharing her powerful testimony of healing from an incurable, chronic pain health issue and providing me with many scriptures of the promise of healing to cling to. For example, in Isaiah 53: 5 it states, "But he [Jesus] was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace and with his spripes we are healed." This Isaiah passage is referenced in Matthew 8 verse 17, as well. This angel friend pointed out and underlined healed - past tense. It has already been done. The LORD has healed me and I can claim this truth regardless of how I feel or my circumstances.
3) being able to attend a friend's ordination service (once again sick all morning, but the pain lifted enough to be present for a wonderful celebration)
4) being able to attend my head pastor's retirement celebration and last sermon (this time I couldn't leave the bathroom for hours and 30 minutes before I needed to leave for each event, the diarrhea stopped)
I went to the ER a week and a half ago after my PICC line nurse believed I had a blood clot. Six days later I was back in the ER because over 10 inches of my PICC line had started to slide out of my arm.
Blessings from this second ER visit within a week:
1) Jack and I were in and out of the ER in an hour! They took me right away and the doctor saw us immediately.
2) The ER doctor was nice. This has been a very rare experience for us.
3) They removed the PICC line, so Tuesday morning I could take my first shower in two months using both hands to wash my hair.
4) While in the ER, the doctor gave me a patch to help with the morphine withdrawal symptoms. It has really helped.
5) I slept for 7 straight hours. This again is a first in over 2 months.
These are just the blessings I saw. I am sure there were other blessings that I just was not aware of or didn't see.
There are so many more details I want to share, but feel like I have delayed posting this update for long enough.
I feel compelled to share one event in a bit more detail. The message I heard just a few hours before I found out I would be unemployed.
Thursday, May 25th I experience the most powerful/life-changing sermon/message I have EVER heard (or at least can remember). It was delivered by Priscilla Shirer (Tony Evans' daughter) in her DVD series on Jonah. She opened her talk by asking if we felt squeezed? Energy squeezed? Financially squeezed? Spiritually squeezed? Emotionally squeezed? With each question, Priscilla picked up a slice of fruit and squeezed it over a pitcher. She then proceeded by saying, "Only after we are squeezed can we be poured out to be a blessing to the Lord and others." While making this profound statement she poured the fresh squeezed juice into a glass. The message continued on with many more powerful statements/observations from the book of Jonah, including "I am thankful I serve a God that gives us second chances and doesn't place us on the shelf when we are disloyal." and "It is easy for us to impersonate obedience" (referring to when Jonah arose and went, but not in the direction the Lord had instructed.)
I was on cloud 9. I shared this message with a friend and Jack.
Then HR called...
I held it together as I was explained all of the formalities and details that need to be completed with regards to terminating my employment. As soon as the phone conversation ended, the tears began. I am 29 years old. I graduated with honors in mathematics from college, I stayed with the same company for 5 years, I am a hard worker, I am ethical...this should not be happening! (Please, do not misunderstand me - my former employer is not at fault - I am just frustrated that my health has deteriorated to a point where I lose my employment). I not only lost my job, but also my health benefits that cover not just me, but my husband. I turned to my husband and choked out the news. Without missing a beat, he opened up my Jonah workbook and pointed to the quote, "Only after we are squeezed can we be poured out to be a blessing to the Lord and others." Wow, God provided me with something to trust and hold fast to for this unexpected blow.
I will end for now. Thank you so much for your continued support and love.
As always, I would love to come beside you and lift any and all prayer requests that are laying heavy on your heart. I have begun praying more empathetically for the unemployed, the addicted and the elderly. I believe the Lord utilizes experiences to connect us to one another. Of course, I already feel connected to you, because you are my friend!
Blessings to you, my friend!
Deep gratitude and love,
Becky
