ONE MONTH TO GO...SURGERY SCHEDULED FOR JANUARY 10TH

Hi dearest friends and family,

A month from today, on January 10th, I will have my pancreas, spleen and part of my stomach removed.  Time has been flying by so fast I forgot to send an update with the surgery date.  

I realize this time of year is full, so I will be brief.

I have 4 HUGE praises/answers to prayer:

1) I started on a new pain medicine and it has significantly decreased my daily pain.  I am able to enjoy life more and there is extra to enjoy this time of year...decorations, time with friends and family, smell of cookies, carols, etc.

2) MUSC (the hospital where I will be having the surgery) was able to put me in touch with someone who had the same surgery in 2009 with the same surgeon I will have.  She answered all of my questions and provided me with tremendous peace of mind.

3) January 10, 2013 and onward I will never have a pancreatitis attack or develop pancreatic cancer.  Hallelujah!

4) My parents and husband will be by my side before and after the surgery.  My mom is going to stay with me until I can take care of myself.  The hospital stay is 10-30 days and the estimated recovery is 6 months with the first 3 months being the hardest.  In my humble opinion, I have the best mother, so I will receive excellent care.  Of course, I will be in the best hands, the Lord's, because God promises never to leave us nor forsake us.  

I have a few specific prayer requests:

1) To stay healthy, so I can be as strong as possible prior to surgery.  This requires prioritizing and pacing myself, which is not my natural gift.

2) Wisdom for the doctors, surgeons, nurses, etc. who will be a part of my healing process.

3) Lots of islet cells.  The more islet cells that can be extracted from my pancreas and transplanted into my liver, the less likely I will be insulin dependent (aka diabetic).

4) Support for my caregivers, especially my dad, my mom and Jack.  I am a screamer and don't like foreign tubes in my body.  In the past, my mom has spent nights holding my hands, so I don't pull tubes out in my sleep.

5) Lastly for peace.  Peace before the surgery and peace through the recovery.   My hope is to glorify God through this season and having the Lord's peace is a key ingredient. 

Your prayers are greatly appreciated.  My plan is that the next update will be from Jack after the surgery.  He will post it here on this blog.

As always, I would be honored to lift up any and all prayer requests.  Please let me know how I can pray for you or someone you love.  

I wish you a very merry season of preparation and celebration of our Savior's birth.  Wishing each of you a happy and healthy 2013!  Thank you for your compassion and kindness through this past year.

Blessings,

Becky

November 3...MUSC update -> improved quality of life on the horizon

Dearest friends and family,

I apologize for the delay with regards to my appointment on October 26th at MUSC.  It has taken me some time to process and am still in the midst of processing.  However, a LOT of answers to prayers have occurred in the past week.

I should preface by sharing the past month has been a roller coaster of pain and emotions.   I have had good and bad days.  On good days, I have a few hours of pep and the pain is minimal.  I feel on top of the world and life looks pretty good.  On bad days, I am in excruciating pain, have no energy and life looks pretty dismal.  I was very nervous about Friday's appointment at MUSC.  My prayer was for direction, wisdom and hope.

God far exceeded these requests.  The staff at MUSC was compassionate AND competent AND organized.  The care of the physicians, nurses, PAs, residents and even registration employees was evident in their words, actions and body language.  We never waited more than 20 minutes between appointments.  We were walked from one office to the next and even given a hug by a nurse.  Dr. Adams (the pancreas specialist and surgeon) was open to different options, but ultimately there is only one permanent solution and it will provide me with greatly improved quality of life.  "Quality of life" is what my heart is yearning for and I don't want to have surgeries that only provide me with temporary relief.  I want to be well so I can return to work, take care of others, be a good friend, be a helper for my husband and eventually be an active mother.  Every week it is becoming more evident that my quality of life is decreasing and the harder I fight to be strong the weaker I become.  

The plan is to have the total pancreatectomy with islet cell transplantation in January at MUSC.  I will become a diabetic and be in the hospital 10-30 days.  The expected recovery time at home is 6 months.  Thus, by July I should be feeling pretty good.   In some ways July seems like a long way off, but knowing there is an end to excessive pain and exhaustion is a huge source of hope.

Jack preached this past Sunday for the first time at our new church home.  His message focused around wounds and scars and our 3 choices.  1) Stay stuck in the past and shackled to fear. 2) Pretend everything is perfect and project an airbrushed image. OR 3) View our scars and trials as gifts and opportunities to relate to others and tools in our ministry as we follow Jesus and place our trust in the LORD.  The third option is ideal and what I am striving for.  I am not a saint and certainly fall into option 1 or 2 frequently.  God has placed some amazing role models in my life over the years that have revealed their scars to me.  While we don't have the same scars, being able to relate is very helpful and healing for me.

Thus, as much as I would like to focus on the good days, I want to be authentic and that includes sharing the challenges.  Right now I am trying to stay as comfortable as possible on pain medicine.  As mentioned before, the challenge with the pain medicine is it makes me very drowsy and my brain foggy.  Having no energy and jello for a brain is difficult when trying to meet new people and get settled in a new home and community.  Thus, I tend to stay home and feel pretty isolated and alone.  I have also started to have a lot of pain with eating causing my appetite to plummet.  The pain escalates my anxiety causing me to worry about how intense the pain will become and how long it will last.

My body is so weak from over a year of battling this pain that unexpected stress sends me into a tailspin.  This past week I met with my new primary care physician.  He wouldn't prescribe me medicine that I need for digesting food, or prescribe pain medicine or complete ongoing paperwork that is required for disability.  The doctor accused me of being a drug addict.  I left the office in tears.  This doctor clearly did not care about trying to get to know my health background and help me as I prepare for surgery.  I was terrified and caught totally off guard.  Thankfully, in this small community word got out about my horrendous experience and another doctor stepped up and met with me.  He is willing to work with me.  What a huge answer to prayer!

I ask for continued prayer for the Lord's healing, strength and peace.  I feel fragile and empty, so I greatly appreciate prayers that truly sustain me.  My other major prayer request would be for my husband, Jack.  He has a full time job as a minister in a new community AND is taking care of me.  It breaks my heart that I cannot take care of him and then I feel like a huge added weight.  Please pray for strength and comfort to surround him.

My struggles and challenges seem teeny tiny in comparison to the obstacles facing those affected by Hurricane Sandy.  My heart and prayers go out to those impacted.  I often feel guilty, because I easily become self-focused with my own pain and challenges.  I feel quite needy with very little to offer.  Many days I lack the energy to return phone calls or emails.  I do not have much, but what I have I give freely.  1) I keep a prayer list and pray many times throughout the day.  I am constantly aware of my dependence on the Lord for strength.  I am always honored to pray along side of you or even pray for something when you do not have the strength to pray for it yourself.  2) I will try and be as honest and open about my journey.  God deserves all the glory.  However my experience can be utilized to bless others I am all for.  

Thank you for your partnership in prayer and friendship.

Blessings,

Becky

October 3...3 months later...lots of twists

I wrote the below update on October 3rd and forgot to post-it.  One example of my foggy brain.  Whoops!

Dearest friends and family,

3 months ago today (on July 3rd) I shared with you my greatest news of the year...no pancreas surgery!  An unexpected series of events happened over the past 3 months that in some ways I am not as eager to share.  My heart and gut feel like they have been ripped out, yet simultaneously blessings have been showered on us.  I have been humbled and honored when I hear that people are still praying for Jack and me.  Prayers are greatly appreciated.

I always hope to be brief, but then I allow gaps of time, so I will do my best.  

While I had been in the hospital at Hopkins back in April a church in Beaufort, SC had contacted Jack about an opportunity to serve.  Jack's position at the church in Lancaster was temporary and part-time.  This was a true blessing allowing Jack the flexibility to be with me during different hospital stays and also allowing me to be near an established community of friends and family.

However, we had been praying for a full-time, permanent position, so I guess we shouldn't have been so surprised when Jack received a call.  

It was clear from the start that God was orchestrating this call - Jack cancelled the first interview, forgot about the second interview and had to cancel it (in Jack's defense I was having my PICC line put in when the SC church called) and the third time, Jack started by saying he wasn't interested in the position.  Jack was looking for an ordained, full-time position and the position they were offering was non-ordained.  A few weeks later the committee called Jack to inform him that the position had been approved to be ordained and asked if it would be okay to contact his references.  Side note: to change a position from non-ordained or ordained is no small feat.  At this point both Jack and I knew we needed to sit up and pay attention.

God made it possible that my PICC line fell out before we flew down to SC for the interview and I had just received the news from Hopkins of no surgery.  Timing seemed perfect to explore a new chapter in our lives.  The interview went well and we had a wonderful time seeing the area.  

We didn't have a lot of time to process the trip, because a few days later my sister's wedding festivities began. I was not only able to be present at the wedding, but ate, danced and celebrated.  Praise be to God for His timing and healing!

The next week I crashed physically and emotionally.  Jack and I needed to make our decision whether or not to accept the call at the church in South Carolina.  I felt torn in half.  I love Lancaster - it is where our home and community is.  On the other hand, I felt a strong pull from God that we were supposed to move to South Carolina.  After our decision was made to accept the position in South Carolina, I felt a wave of peace.  It felt like a million reasons why we shouldn't move, but I knew God would take care of them and the Lord has provided.

The day after our decision to accept the call in South Carolina, VBS kicked off.  After a full week of VBS, Jack preached at all 3 services on August 5th.  We got in the car the afternoon of the 5th and headed to South Carolina.  It felt like we were on a treadmill that was going faster and faster.  How was this all happening so fast?!  Jack was approved by the Committee on Ministry, we met many lovely members, and we signed a lease on  a house to rent for a year.  

Everything was falling into place until August 11th.  I woke up with horrible stomach and back pains...pancreatitis pain.  The pain was so bad that I violently threw up and later found out I dislocated a rib in the process.  Jack drove me to the ER in Beaufort where I was horrified.  It took 3 hours before I was given an IV.  Not only was the pain excruciating, but we had just committed to moving to this place with the belief that my health issues were resolved.  In addition, the next day we were to drive back to PA (a 12 hour drive).   My faith was being shaken...things were NOT going as I had planned!  

On our drive back to PA, we were in a car accident.  Thankfully, no one was hurt, it was the other driver's fault, and he had insurance.  My car was drivable, but determined by the insurance company as "totaled" because it cost too much to fix it compared to its value.  What was going on?!  It felt like my life was falling apart.

Fast forward to the blessings...within a few weeks we accepted an offer on our house (no small miracle in this economy), I was able to fly down to SC with my mom because I didn't have a car to drive down, Jack and my dad found a great deal on a new car for me that already has SC plates, and I have an appointment with a pancreas specialist on October 26th at the Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) in Charleston.  MUSC is #2 in the nation for the pancreatectomy with islet cell transplantation surgery (second only to the University of Minnesota).  I was upset to leave Hopkins, but God provided an even better resource in my new community.  Incredible!!!  In addition, tomorrow I go to a Chinese born and trained acupuncturist whose office is only a few miles from my new home.

One would think with all of these miracles, my faith would be rock solid.  My hardest/biggest struggle is constant pain while living in a new community.  I had pictured being pain free and looking for a new job, not new doctors.  I am back on pain medication, which was not the direction I wanted to go.  However, I know it is a temporary solution.

Prayers of praise for God's provision and prayers of continued healing would be greatly appreciated.  Words of encouragement are always welcome.  As always, I would love to hear an update from you and/or how I can pray for you.

Blessings and love,

Becky

Early fireworks - MIRACLE!

Dearest faithful friends and family,

A tremendous MIRACLE happened today.  I went to my pancreas doctor at Hopkins (Dr. Singh) and there were heaps of unexpected blessings and surprises.  (Side note: 2 miles before we arrived at the doctor’s Jack’s electricity went down in the car.  Fortunately, turning the A/C off solved the problem.)  Dr. Singh was ready to schedule my surgery for this summer until he heard how wonderful I am doing.  Dr. Singh was shocked to hear that I have been eating for three weeks without horrific pain AND that I am completely off narcotics.  Now Dr. Singh wants to send other patients to my acupuncturist.  Based on his response, I am guessing my case is unusual.  Dr. Singh even mentioned doing a case study on me.  I won’t pretend to fully understand the Lord’s purpose, but it appears my positive experience with acupuncture may give future patients relief rather than surgery or pain medication.  Already several friends in the area have been to Min (the acupuncturist) and have also had amazing results.  I will put her information below.

I cannot begin to capture in words how relieved I am to not have to have horrible surgery that would split my abdomen in half, require a feeding tube, require me to give myself insulin shots and spend more weeks in the hospital.  Instead, I get to eat and taste normal food and focus on getting stronger in a home.  All of the praise and glory belongs to the Lord – for He is indeed faithful!  Jack and I were carried many times during this trial via your encouraging words and prayers.  We cannot begin to express our gratitude.

Some additional good news.  The surgery to remove the pancreas is for pain management, so not having the surgery does not harm my body in any way.  If down the road I would have a slew of bad pancreatitis attacks, I would only have to have my glucose checked to reapply for the surgery.  From my recent tests it was verified that my liver is strong, my stomach is emptying by itself (this was not always the case), I am not pre-diabetic, and my pancreas continues to show signs of pancreatitis.  This latter information illustrates that even with some pancreatitis, the pain is managed through acupuncture.  Another MIRACLE!  I will continue taking enzymes every time I eat – I can handle this!

What next?

Well, hopefully sleep.  I have been struggling with insomnia in part to morphine withdrawal and in part to concern over this surgery.  I have been narcotic free for over a week and the withdrawal symptoms are supposed to disappear within 2 weeks.  Again, I couldn’t have gotten off and stayed off narcotics without prayers.

I still have a blood clot, so I will continue to have that monitored.  No biggie.

The past two weeks I had tests at Hopkins that included radioactive material.  This combined with withdrawal and stress have worn me out, but I am confident that I am being refreshed, renewed and restored for what God has next.

I see my primary care physician on Friday.  He will have the final word as to when I can return to work.  I am eagerly looking forward to work, but trying to balance it with listening to my body and taking one day at a time.  

Thus, we are home a bit hot, but totally happy!!!  Hope each of you have a wonderful 4^th of July.  I will be celebrating extra freedoms this year!

Blessings and deepest gratitude,

Becky

Acupuncture information:

Min Xiong (board certified and licensed acupuncturist)

60 N. West End Ave.

Lancaster, PA 17603

(parking behind building)

Phone: 717-481-8707

http://www.hanshiacupuncture.com/

FEELING SQUEEZED...BLESSINGS POURED

Dearest faithful friends and family,

I am so thankful for the gift of email and blogs. Encouraging words and prayers always seem to come at just the divine time. I have also found it helpful to read over my past updates to remind myself how far I have come and all of the healing that the Lord has already allowed to take place.

I have delayed writing this update because I desire to ride the wave of jubilation as long as possible. I have had several tough blows in the past three weeks. My emotions have included discouragement, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, and fear. I know fear is not from the Lord, and the Holy Spirit has equipped me for each blow. I have decided to share details for three reasons:

1) PURPOSE - the purpose of my blog is not only to keep friends and family updated, but to encourage others with chronic pain. I would be compromising my purpose if I stopped sharing the hurdles.

2) PRAYER - I need prayer warriors to come along side of me during this rough patch, so I may keep my eyes fixed on the Lord.

3) GLORIFY - the Lord has been incredibly faithful and provided tremendous provision. The Lord's provision is intertwined with events of heartache. I often tell my husband, Jack, that I want to get the most mileage out of this season, so if there is any way I can be a blessing that I am neglecting, please let me know.

Listed below are the three tough blows that have occurred over the past 3 weeks:

1) I lost my job. My employment and benefits have been terminated as of 5/31/12.

2) I began experiencing intense morphine withdrawal symptoms including insomnia, leg pain (it feels like my calf muscle is trying to separate from the bone), intense stomach cramping, diarrhea and nausea.
This has gone on for over two weeks.

3) I was sent to the ER to confirm that I have a blood clot in my arm. It feels like shards of glass are stuck in my arm.

Thankfully, this is not the end. An outpouring of blessings have hemmed me in front and behind.

I am working on writing out all of the blessings from the past few weeks and it is turning into a novel. Thus, I will provide a few examples and, hopefully, in the next few days post on my blog more details for those interested.

Blessings a few days prior to losing my job and starting withdrawal symptoms:

1) time with out of state friends who energized and helped me have fresh eyes to all of the beauty surrounding me

2) prayers in person, over the phone, and silent prayers by friends and people I have never met

3) hearing confirmation of answered prayers in friends' lives

4) hearing the most powerful message on Jonah hours before the call from HR to let me know of my employment termination

Blessings after the news of my employment termination and withdrawal symptoms beginning:

1) being able to host a bridal shower for my sister (I couldn't get out of bed the morning of and at 4 PM the pain lifted - the shower began at 4:30 - talk about divine timing!)

2) receiving a CD in the mail from someone I had never met (we share a mutual friend) sharing her powerful testimony of healing from an incurable, chronic pain health issue and providing me with many scriptures of the promise of healing to cling to.  For example, in Isaiah 53: 5 it states, "But he [Jesus] was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace and with his spripes we are healed."  This Isaiah passage is referenced in Matthew 8 verse 17, as well.  This angel friend pointed out and underlined healed - past tense.  It has already been done.  The LORD has healed me and I can claim this truth regardless of how I feel or my circumstances. 

3) being able to attend a friend's ordination service (once again sick all morning, but the pain lifted enough to be present for a wonderful celebration)

4) being able to attend my head pastor's retirement celebration and last sermon (this time I couldn't leave the bathroom for hours and 30 minutes before I needed to leave for each event, the diarrhea stopped)
I went to the ER a week and a half ago after my PICC line nurse believed I had a blood clot. Six days later I was back in the ER because over 10 inches of my PICC line had started to slide out of my arm.

Blessings from this second ER visit within a week:

1) Jack and I were in and out of the ER in an hour! They took me right away and the doctor saw us immediately.

2) The ER doctor was nice. This has been a very rare experience for us.

3) They removed the PICC line, so Tuesday morning I could take my first shower in two months using both hands to wash my hair.

4) While in the ER, the doctor gave me a patch to help with the morphine withdrawal symptoms. It has really helped.

5) I slept for 7 straight hours. This again is a first in over 2 months.
These are just the blessings I saw. I am sure there were other blessings that I just was not aware of or didn't see.

There are so many more details I want to share, but feel like I have delayed posting this update for long enough.
I feel compelled to share one event in a bit more detail. The message I heard just a few hours before I found out I would be unemployed.

Thursday, May 25th I experience the most powerful/life-changing sermon/message I have EVER heard (or at least can remember). It was delivered by Priscilla Shirer (Tony Evans' daughter) in her DVD series on Jonah. She opened her talk by asking if we felt squeezed? Energy squeezed? Financially squeezed? Spiritually squeezed? Emotionally squeezed? With each question, Priscilla picked up a slice of fruit and squeezed it over a pitcher. She then proceeded by saying, "Only after we are squeezed can we be poured out to be a blessing to the Lord and others." While making this profound statement she poured the fresh squeezed juice into a glass. The message continued on with many more powerful statements/observations from the book of Jonah, including "I am thankful I serve a God that gives us second chances and doesn't place us on the shelf when we are disloyal." and "It is easy for us to impersonate obedience" (referring to when Jonah arose and went, but not in the direction the Lord had instructed.)

I was on cloud 9. I shared this message with a friend and Jack.

Then HR called...

I held it together as I was explained all of the formalities and details that need to be completed with regards to terminating my employment. As soon as the phone conversation ended, the tears began. I am 29 years old. I graduated with honors in mathematics from college, I stayed with the same company for 5 years, I am a hard worker, I am ethical...this should not be happening! (Please, do not misunderstand me - my former employer is not at fault - I am just frustrated that my health has deteriorated to a point where I lose my employment). I not only lost my job, but also my health benefits that cover not just me, but my husband. I turned to my husband and choked out the news. Without missing a beat, he opened up my Jonah workbook and pointed to the quote, "Only after we are squeezed can we be poured out to be a blessing to the Lord and others." Wow, God provided me with something to trust and hold fast to for this unexpected blow.

I will end for now. Thank you so much for your continued support and love.

As always, I would love to come beside you and lift any and all prayer requests that are laying heavy on your heart.  I have begun praying more empathetically for the unemployed, the addicted and the elderly.  I believe the Lord utilizes experiences to connect us to one another.  Of course, I already feel connected to you, because you are my friend! 

Blessings to you, my friend!

Deep gratitude and love,
Becky

MIRACLE - ANSWER TO PRAYER!

Hello my dearest faithful friends and family,

I am delighted and thankful to share good news.  I have long anticipated sending this email :0) 

I began acupuncture two weeks ago and I feel like a new person.  I was a skeptic, but the acupuncturist was recommended to me by a pain management doctor.  I arrived at my first session doubled over in pain and left without any pain.  I have had 6 sessions so far and feel better after each one.  The pain has decreased so much that I have been able to significantly reduce the amount of my daily pain medication (slowly of course and with my doctors permission) and haven't had to use my break through narcotic medicine in a week.  (Prior to acupuncture, I was needing break through pain medication, on average, once a day)  Woohoo!

This is such an answer to many prayers.  Praise God for His faithfulness.  I feel SO wonderful that I forget all that my body has been through.  Thus, I have to remember to pace myself and still need to rest.  I would ask for prayers as I step down off of my narcotics.  With each decrease, I feel a bit yucky for a day or so.  However, the trade off is totally worth it.  I have more energy and more brain clarity with each decrease.  I still receive my nourishment through the PICC line in my arm.  This has been another praise.  Pam, a PICC line nurse, comes to my house twice a week and is pure sunshine.  My arm blistered from the tape securing my PICC line.  Pam was creative and found a way to anchor it without tape touching my skin.  With the help of a dermatologist the painful blisters healed and disappeared within a week.  Coram, the supplier of my equipment, has also been very accommodating and helpful.

I saw my family doctor yesterday and he is enthusiastic about my progress.  I have been able to put on 10 pounds and overall just look healthier and happier.  I have been able to eat food without pain.  Jack teases that I don't keep a food diary because I do not want others to know what I have been eating (Maryland crabs, strawberry shortcake, some Chinese food...shhhh don't tell :0)  I have really enjoyed bites of all different delicious food and for some reason everything tastes ten times better than I remember it, especially when it comes to local strawberries from Brooklawn Farm Market.  I have lots of audible mmmmmmms throughout the day! 

My family doctor's recommendation is still to continue forward with the steps of surgery.  I have more tests scheduled at Hopkins the end of June and then meet with Dr. Singh on July 3rd to go over the test results.  Dr. Singh was very clear that I can at any point decide not to have surgery.  However, it takes several months to even become a candidate for surgery, so it makes the most sense to keep this option open.  Thus, I would also greatly appreciate prayers for discernment and wisdom in this department.

I cannot begin to capture or describe how wonderful it feels to really live - go days without horrible pain and eat food without fears of going to the hospital.  The Lord's healing has helped me to enjoy and appreciate life again.  I am also learning to live each day one day at a time enjoying the treasures sprinkled throughout the day.  My current mantra is, "God is in control and God is trustworthy."  This helps me to combat fear and "what if" thoughts.

I know this journey is not over, but I anticipate my updates to be less frequent as I feel a tremendous corner has been turned.  I greatly appreciate the dedication of your prayers and words of encouragement.  I am a true believer in the power of prayer. 

As always, it is my true delight and honor to lift up any prayer requests that are weighing on your heart. 

Jubilant thanks,
Becky

NEW NEWS!

Hello dearest and faithful friends,

 

New seems the best word to sum up yesterday.  A new month, a new doctor, a new joy, a new hope, and a new challenge.  Thank you to each of you for remembering my family in your thoughts and prayers yesterday.  It was a roller coaster of a day!

 

We had a smooth journey to Johns Hopkins.  Even with some nervous, anxious energy, I felt strong and confident for the appointment.  I was armed with my parents and Jack present, prepared questions, 4 note pads, and most importantly heaps of prayer. 

 

I had my best appointment EVER with Dr. Singh.  He spent a lot of time with me and my family and answered all of our questions.  The greatest news was that I can begin eating small amounts of food that are low in fat (After over 3 weeks of popsicles and every flavor of gum, these words were the best words to my ears since Jack asked me to marry him :0).  I am getting all of the nutrients I need through my PICC line in my arm.  Thus, the food I eat is purely for my own satisfaction.  I will most likely stay on the PICC line for several months.

 

At this point I am on top of the mountain.  I had some animal crackers in my purse and ate some of them with enzymes, before leaving the doctor's office.  I had a one track mind!

 

Next, we met a NEW doctor, the surgeon who performs the surgery that Dr. Singh suggested.  The official surgery name is total pancreatectomy with auto-islet transplantation.  We were impressed with the surgeon's experience with pancreas surgeries of over 10 years.  We also met with the coordinator for this particular procedure.  The coordinator told us what to expect.  The surgery to remove my pancreas and transplant cells from the pancreas into the liver takes 8-10 hours.  The patient will then be in the ICU for 3ish days and then spend up to 3 weeks in the hospital.  The recovery at home is 2-3 months.  I have spent over 30 days in the hospital this year and have had chronic pain for over 7 months. 

 

This surgery doesn't sound pleasant, but manageable UNTIL...the coordinator explained the pain.  She said to take my worst pain and multiply it by a million.  I will have a large incision down my abdomen.  Patients post-surgery require more pain medicine than a trauma victim that was just hit by a car.  Talk about crashing, I felt like I had just been in an accident.  The coordinator's words felt like a strong blow to my gut.  It made everything I have been through look like a small hill and now I am going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Ahhhhh!!!!!

 

Other implications of the surgery:  I will be on insulin in the hospital and will go home on insulin.  2/3rds of patients do not require insulin after a few months.  However, all patients eventually become diabetic and insulin dependent.  Thus, Jack will be able to add to his resume insulin injections. 

 

I couldn't send texts yesterday or write an update, because so much was swirling in my head.  After we left Hopkins, we had lunch.  I had a bite of my dad's mashed potatoes, a bit of Jack's salad, a few spoonfuls of my mom's soup, and several pieces of bread to go with my fruit smoothie.  It tasted like the best meal in my entire life!

 

My new joy is eating.  Praise the Lord, I haven't had any bad pain and have enjoyed a variety of bites of food.  Whether it is psychological or physical, I feel tremendously stronger and happier.

 

My new hope is this surgery to eliminate pancreatitis attacks.

 

My new challenge is to live in the present and pray for wisdom and discernment.  I still have to go through several tests at Hopkins to make sure my body is well enough to undergo the surgery.  I also have to decide if and when I want to have the surgery.  My alternative is to use pain medication for pain management.

 

My newest new thing is my mom is teaching me how to knit.  I am knitting a scarf for my beloved, Jack.  Jack helps me to see the positive and to embrace each day.  Our gratitude journal continues to overflow with blessings.  This update is already long enough, so I won't go into details.  Many wonderful individuals have done what they may consider small, but to us are huge gifts...words of encouragement via text, email, snail mail, on the phone, or in person.

 

My prayer requests continue to be for healing of my body, grace and patience with myself, and support for my caretakers.  Praise and gratitude for you coming along side of me through this season. 

 

I know I sound like a broken record, but I am always delighted and honored to lift up your prayer requests, as well.

 

Love and gratitude,

Becky

HOME SWEET HOME

Hi faithful friends and family,

 

Last Saturday (4/21) I was discharged from Johns Hopkins (after a 13 day stay).  As Jack wheeled me out of my hospital room and towards the car he asked me, "Don't you feel like the hall should be lined with patients and nurses cheering and applauding?"  I think we have been watching too many movies :0)  However, in my mind leaving the hospital was just as exciting as if there had been a pep ralley.

 

I was so excited to leave Hopkins that I fell asleep during the ride home.  We had a nurse come to the house Saturday evening to show Jack and I how to use my PICC line to get nutrition in me.  Jack was amazing and is taking care of hooking me up every evening and disconecting me every morning.  It is painless, just tastes bad.  The benefit of this process is it will help me gain weight and strength while allowing my GI track to rest.  Of course, I'd rather put on weight by eating cheeseburgers and milkshakes :0)

 

I slept most of the weekend and Monday.  My highlights were taking a bath at my parents with the help of my mom and sister.  I cannot get my right arm wet because of the PICC line.  My mom and sister also washed my hair.  Wow, did that feel great!

 

Tuesday through Thursday I rested at my parents home.  If I get up too quickly, I get lightheaded and everything goes black.  Thus, I mainly stay in the recliner.  My goal for right now is to listen to the Bible on my ipod from Genesis to Revelation.  My mom and I are listening together and writing down verses that speak to us in some new way.

 

Some praises: being home, kind nurses that come to our home, my blood work (taken twice this week) has been great, my bladder has been strong with getting lots of fluids at night, being able to sleep, watching a nine-month old giggle and army crawl on the floor, cards and emails of encouragement, amazing caretakers (primarily Jack and my mom), receiving a prayer shawl, and being blanketed in prayers.

 

I return to Hopkins this coming Tuesday (May 1) for a follow up and to find out the next step.  I am the weakest I have ever been which has been very challenging.  I am learning to rest often.  The phrase I am currently holding onto is "God's strength can be seen clearer in our weakness."  Thank you for your continued prayers!  My specific requests are for continued healing, wisdom for my family and the doctors, and blessings for my caretakers.

 

As always, I am delighted to hold up your prayer requests and/or praises in my daily chats with God.

 

Blessings and deep gratitude,

Becky

UPDATES FROM HOPKINS

Hello faithful friends and family,

I just reread Jack’s update from last Friday (4/13/12) and was blown away by his ability to capture the sequence of events.  I will do my best to provide a chronological account for the past week.

First, a huge thank you for prayers and love.  We needed prayers 24/7 literally because I had attacks of pain and anxiety at all hours.  I had wonderful caretakers.  Of course my parents and Jack have been and continue to be wonderful advocates and stay by my side.  The unexpected prayers that blew our socks off were the nurses on my floor (this was Osler floor).  They had compassion gushing out of their pores and bright, calming smiles.  Another answer to prayer was feeling wrapped in God’s family – 2 different friends from our church in Lancaster, PA had family in Baltimore, MD who came to our room.  These three beautiful ladies brought sunshine and warmth to an exhausted and squashed family.

Probably my biggest celebration came Tuesday when the tubes were removed from my nose.  After two full days of having tubes that went from my nose down my throat and into my stomach – it felt like heaven to swallow without plastic in the back of my throat!

Thursday, was another day of good cheer!  I went from a shared hospital room to my own spacious single.  Once I had a single, Jack could spend the night with me :0)  Thank you, Jesus!

Sunday, my spirits plummeted.  I was ready to be discharged and the doctors were talking about another WEEK in the hospital.  I had two IVs (one in each arm), my blood sugar checked every 4 hours, blood work daily in any spare area on my hand or arm, and 2 shots daily in my thighs to prevent blood clots.  I had literally felt like a pin cushion with welts all over.  In my opinion, a healthy person would be in pain with this kind of treatment.  Not to mention my pancreas was expelling attack after attack of pain.  I should also mention this entire time, I am only allowed a liquid diet, so I am hungry!  On Sunday, I got some new medicine that caused me to vomit.  This was the last straw.

I was transferred to a new private room where I could be more closely monitored and receive stronger medicine.  Now heart monitors were on me 24/7.  Thankfully, I was only in this room for one day and I slept Monday away and was transferred once again.

Monday evening I was transferred to Nelson.  This hall is for more independent patients.  I miss my Osler nurses, but am getting stronger and healthier every day.  On Wednesday, I  got a PICC line put in.  Guess what that means?  No more pricking!  No more IVs!  No more needles for blood work!   I am also walking, so no more jabs to my thighs.

I am on “moo milk” as my mom calls it.  It is a white liquid that contains my daily fluids, protein, nutrition, etc.  Thus, I am not eating or drinking with the exception of a sip of juice here and there.  This is hard, but the good news is ….drum roll… assuming all goes as planned…this Saturday, 4/21/12 I will be discharged.  I cannot wait to be launched!

Once I arrive home, I will continue on my “moo milk” for 12 hours every night through my PICC line.

As far as “next steps”, I will be meeting with Dr. Singh on Tuesday, May 1^st along with a team of other doctors and surgeons to talk about removing my pancreas.

My main prayer request is that I would embrace each day rather that wish it away.

Below is a prayer I wrote and ask if you are comfortable to pray this for Jack and me –

Precious and merciful Savior, we praise you for your provision of outstanding nurses, friends to love on Becky and Jack from across the room and across the phone, competent doctors, and amazing technology.  Lord, we praise you for the healing that has occurred and pray for continued healing in Becky’s body.  Please surround Becky with grace as she learns to embrace each day without eating and may it help remind her and others of the manna you provided in the wilderness and how you, Lord, sustain us with sources uncommon to our society.  Help Becky and Jack to abound with trust, gratitude, and joy.   In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

I trust this pain has a reason.  I know I want to use my experience with horrific pain to help/comfort others in pain.  I am not sure how, but for now I want to pray for those hurting in some form.  If I can pray for you or a loved one, please know I am truly always delighted and promise to keep it confidential.  Blessings and deep, deep gratitude.

Loads and buckets of love,

Becky

Post ERCP Update

Dearest Friends,

I write to you from the bedside of one of the bravest people I know. My dear wife, Becky, and I traveled to Johns Hopkins Medical Center on Monday, April 9th, to undergo the long anticipated ERCP. Since first being told to pursue this test in October 2011, we have been on a long journey of testing during which time Becky has courageously endured extreme and near constant pain. Needless to say, we were excited and hopeful for Monday's procedure - even while being nervous about the potential for another flare of pancreatitis as a result of the ERCP.

Becky has been a real trooper though this entire ordeal and the promise of a successful and timely end to this pain has kept her going these long months. Becky's doctor told us that if Becky woke up from the procedure pain-free then we would know the ERCP was a success and our journey would be near its end. However, none of us was prepared for the amount of pain she experienced as she woke up after the procedure. When they allowed me to go back to see her at 5:45pm she was in excruciating pain, and nothing seemed to be able to alleviate it.

I asked her nurse in the endoscopy suite if we could get Becky on a morphine pump; we've had success getting Becky comfortable with the patient-controlled pain medication option, and since she was so behind in her pain medication, we knew that this would be far easier than having to request pain medication from the nurses each time Becky had another bout of pain. However, they did not get Becky's pain medication ordered and hooked up until 8:45pm. For three hours, she writhed in the most severe pain she said she had ever had. They performed a CT scan later that night and discovered that her small intestine had been perforated during the procedure, and that the air that they had pumped into her stomach for the procedure had leaked into her abdomen. There was a possibility that they would have to operate to fix the hole in the intestine.

During this entire episode, Becky handled herself with such grace and courage - certainly more than I did. Watching her in so much pain drove me to the brink, but Becky remained gracious and loving, and I admire and love her for it.

Becky continues to remain in pain and is uncomfortable to say the least. They needed to insert a "nasal-gastric tube" through her nose and into her stomach to suction out the bile and acid there, giving the intestine a better chance to heal on its own. And we are thankful and praise God that as a result it does not seem to be getting worse, and Becky probably does not have to have additional surgery to fix the intestine. We are also praising God for the wonderful care she is receiving here from various nurses and doctors. We have been so thankful for the prayers, messages, and visitors - all of which are carrying us through this time and helping us to feel God's presence even in the midst of the pain. We pray that the pain would subside, that she is able to get the tube out of her nose (this is a constant source of irritation for Becky), and that she will be released soon (at this point it looks like she'll be in Hopkins through the weekend).

In terms of the "what's next" question, the ERCP revealed significant shortening of the pancreatic duct; in fact, it was too short for Dr. Singh to insert a stent to keep the duct open and unobstructed. At this point, Dr. Singh believes we need to begin thinking and talking about a total pancreatectomy - removing the pancreas - and "autoislet transplantation". During this procedure, they will isolate the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas and transplant them into Becky's liver. The liver will then take on the function of producing insulin for Becky.

This is not the only "transplant" I am praying about. I also pray that Becky's indelible grace and courage would be transplanted within me, her other caregivers, and in you, the community that continues to surround us in prayer and support. Thank you for remaining by our side.

Blessings and peace to you from Baltimore,

Jack Miller

ERCP SCHEDULED & PRAYERS REQUESTED!

Dearest faithful and brave followers,

I added brave because where I am about to go isn’t pretty.  Thank you for journeying alongside me through this unexpected and unpleasant season.  This past 2 weeks have taken a drastic turn where the intensity of my pain has increased while simultaneously my energy and hope have plummeted.  The hardest part is I thought the finish line was close (I met with Dr. Singh this past Tuesday after 6 days in the hospital and expected a clean, quick fix) and instead was met with a long journey ahead.  After 6 months of chronic pain, I am empty and have nothing left but tears.  I no longer have the strength or will to keep going.  I have come to the place where I feel like the paralytic in the Bible and unless Jesus heals me, I will not live, but will just be.  I have never been at this place before where I am completely dependent on the Lord.  I am learning how to REALLY ask for help.  My dear friend Annie wrote the update below on Wed (3/28).  My dear friend Sarah wrote a prayer Thurs (3/29).  I am asking those who wish to pray for me and Jack to use the prayers below.  For those of you interested in taking a specific time of the day to pray daily these 2 prayers for Jack and me please email my mom, Sue, at sueknits@comcast.net with the time (i.e. 7AM or lunchtime, etc.)  She can compile a list of who is praying for us when.  There is something really powerful about having a prayer said in unison over you.  I don’t have strength to check my email, so all I ask is that you pray.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

***This is Annie Michaels, Becky's friend from Chicago! I got to be with her this week. She's at home today and looking good, but since her energy is precious these days I know it's sometimes hard for her to correspond with everyone she would like to, so I thought I'd add a quick update to her blog for you all. Thank you for your continued prayer and support in all sorts of ways. It is so, so appreciated!

Becky has had a very full and long week.

She was admitted to the Lancaster General Hospital one week ago today, with the hope of letting her pancreas get some rest. She continues to experience the stabbing knife abdominal pain after she eats and drinks, so it was good to be in a place where she was getting enough IV liquids and some help managing the pain.

Notable events in this trip to the hospital included one crazy roommate who had the lights on all night and the TV blaring. It was rather obnoxious. Thankfully, after that experience, Becky was transferred to her own room that had a beautiful view of the city. As usual, there was a mix of characters attending to her medical needs. The shining star amidst them all was her nurse named Amy, who was divinely assigned to Becky’s room for three of the days she was there, and was going to be moving to a new position in the hospital the next week (she’ll be working in the O.R. instead). Anyways, Amy, is the epitome of a gentle and competent nurse. She brightened the room whenever she was there, she was always a step ahead of her patients’ needs, and no task was below her. We were all thankful for Amy’s care, and hope that she can be a role model for many young, new nurses in her field!

All in all, Becky was in the hospital for 6 days.

Becky was determined to get out of the hospital because she had a big appointment scheduled with Dr. Singh at Johns Hopkins yesterday (Tuesday). Dr. Singh wanted to meet in person to go over the results of the test she sent away for over six weeks ago now. After making it through the maze of buildings, as well as being part of a fire drill while we were sitting in the waiting room (Everyone - doctors, security guards, visitors, and even a cart of lab rats - had to wait outside until it was over!), we got to see Dr. Singh.

Dr. Singh’s news was that the next step is for Becky to get an ERCP. This is the procedure she had originally scheduled back in February, but got postponed on account of doing the genetic testing. Well, the ERCP is back on the calendar again for April 9th. She will most likely be in the hospital for a few days following that procedure.

That is the news for now. I’m sure she’ll be updating again after she has the ERCP.

Also, I just want to say something that she would never say about herself… Becky handles being in the hospital and having people poking her and waking her up all the time with the greatest grace. It is amazing that amidst the excruciating pain that she is in, she is kind and thankful towards all who come to her bedside. She is beautiful even in times of great weakness, and even in the most unfashionable of hospital gowns! (We were talking about how there has got to be a market for prettier hospital gown wear….any entrepreneurs out there want to go for that?). At any rate, I only hope I can exhibit that level of graciousness if I am ever confronted with such trials! Not that this is new information, but she’s amazing!

Prayer from Sarah for Becky:

God, with your infinite power, please, please, PLEASE re-draw the boundary lines around Becky so that they may fall in pleasant places.  Freedom from pain.  A renewed body.  RESTORED HOPE.  So that her lips can sing praises to you again… In Jesus Name.  Amen.

Prayer from Becky for Jack:

Dear loving and merciful Lord, please infuse Jack with your strength, encouragement, comfort and peace.  May Jack be cocooned in love and support by those around him while he takes cares of his hurting wife.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

Final news and a praise to God – my GI doctor from the hospital in Lancaster, Dr. Harberson, called and gave me his cell phone number and asked that I call him.  Jack called him Friday morning.  Dr. Harberson fought the insurance company for denying my latest hospital stay and as a result the insurance company has agreed to cover my stay.  Hallelujah!  In addition, Dr. Harberson is incredibly compassionate to the place I am at – “no quality of life”.  He spoke with Dr. Singh (the Johns Hopkins doctor) and was better able to explain the situation.  It may not sound that impressive or major, but after Dr. Singh on Tuesday and Dr. Bethards (my gastropersis doctor at Hershey on Thursday) saying everything so matter of fact, it feels like the best day in a while when a doctor can show emotion on the phone and be upset at the situation and express the awfulness of it.  Today (Saturday) has been a brighter day.  I am thankful for each ray of light that enters this dark season.

Agape love,

Becky

PARTIAL NEWS

Faithful friends and family,

I have partial news.  The lab work in California is completed and the results have been faxed to Dr. Singh at Johns Hopkins.  Dr. Singh received the results today, so we are talking hot off the press.  (I found this out from the lab.)  I emailed Dr. Singh’s assistant to find out what the results were and this was the assistant’s response, “Rebecca, take a deep breath and relax.  Dr. Singh just got back in the country.  Once he tells me what next, I will let you know.”

Relax!  I was supposed to get these results at the LATEST by Wednesday and NOW it is Friday.  Relax!  I have been in horrific pain for over 5 months going on 6 months and the pain has only gotten worse.  Relax!  I never know when these attacks are coming or how long they will last.  Relax!  My disability insurance wants to terminate coverage.  Relax!  I am concerned about losing my job.  Relax!  I have been on a liquid diet for over 2 weeks!  Relax!

I waited as patiently as I could.  After 6 hours of waiting (not to mention the past 5 weeks), I called the assistant and asked, “Is Dr. Singh in the office today? If not, when is he returning?”  I thought maybe the results could be faxed to my primary care physician.  The assistant informed me that Dr. Singh is in surgery all day today, but did look over my lab results.  He would like to meet with me face to face to go over different options.  His schedule is booked solid for over a month, but the assistant will try to get me an appointment to see Dr. Singh in 2 weeks.  (No appointment date at this time.)

This is why I say partial news.  The lab work is completed, but I will not know what the next step is until I meet with Dr. Singh.  More waiting.  <Sigh>  However, I feel more at peace knowing the lab work is complete and there are options.  I promise to keep you posted, once I know more. 

Thank you for your continued prayers.  I have felt like I was in Gethsemane for the past few days – I have felt rejected by God and crushed with guilt, fear, stress and confusion.  I trust there is purpose to the endurance of physical, emotional and spiritual pain, but Jack and I are in a fragile and depleted place.  It is challenging to stay positive.  One of my favorite songs is Blessed Be Your Name.  One of the lyrics is “you give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name”.  This is what Jack and I are choosing.  We are thanking God even though we cannot yet see the blessings.  Would you join us in thanking and praising God?  He has provided us with an amazing community of love, support and encouragement…that is YOU!  God has also blessed us with medical care and provision for our every need.  My prayer request this evening would be for restful sleep, eyes that see beyond the circumstances, and a peaceful heart and mind.  Please remember Jack in your prayers, as he is strong for me, but weary as well.  Blessings to each of you.

Love and gratitude,

Becky

WEARY, BUT THANKFUL

Hello dearest friends,

I had a nudge this morning from the Holy Spirit to write an update.  It was affirmed when Jack said, “I think you should write a blog entry today.”

The biggest news is a beautiful, brave and beloved friend met the creator of the universe yesterday evening.  Cherie Riggs ran not a good, but an outstanding race blessing all on her path and many to come.  (Cherie was involved with trial cancer drugs/treatments and thanks to her participation, some are now being approved and will help others battling cancer.)  We are thankful that she is no longer suffering and is at a place with no tears. 

However, there are a lot of tears here on earth.  I continue to ask for prayers, for Cherie’s beloved husband, Randy.  He is the head pastor of our church, an advocate for our community, a mentor, a friend, a father, a grandfather, and more.  My prayer is that God would reveal greater depths of His infinite love and peace to Randy’s heart and guide Randy’s friends (including me) to know how to love and support Randy in helpful ways.  Every one has good intentions, but sometimes words can be hurtful when they were meant to be comforting. 

I also ask that you would pray for Cherie’s family and close friends and for the Lord’s comfort and peace to surround them as they grieve.  I am so thankful for each of you who do not even know the Riggs, but are remembering them in your prayers.  I cannot explain it, but I felt a real closeness with Cherie as a minister’s wife whose strength came from the Lord and not her own body.

Last night, I felt so guilty for asking for prayers for myself, when my situation is not fatal.  Shortly after I shared my guilt with Jack, I was walloped with wave after wave of horrible pain.  After liquid morphine, in addition to my daily pill pain medication, and a few hours of screaming, the pain subsided.  I whispered to Jack, “Now I remember why I ask for prayers.”  Praise be to God, every day does not include horrific, long lasting pain attacks!  I even went Tuesday without any pain at all.  When I have good days, I start to think I am cured and even my memory blots out how bad the pain has been.  I start to think I am invincible.

Since my last posting, I have few updates about my journey.  I had a really bad week of pain and vomiting, so I have been on a liquid diet for 8 days.  This has helped reduced the pain attacks and stopped the vomiting.  Now, I average about one bad pain attack a day, but otherwise am pain free.  The liquid diet and increase in morphine, have caused me to be incredibly drowsy to the extent that I can be talking and fall asleep midsentence.  I have about 1 good hour of alertness a day.  Thus, I sleep anywhere between 16-20 hours a day. 

I have been anxious to get my lab results back from California.  I asked Jack last week and this week to call the lab.  The response was the same both times – “Hopefully, by March 14^th your blood work will be finished being processed.  Good news, your insurance approved it.”  As disheartened as I am to wait some more, I am thankful for insurance to cover the cost and pain medication to keep me comfortable the majority of the time. 

I would be lying if I didn’t say I am weary.  My heart aches for the Riggs’s family.  My body aches from attacks of pain for the past 5.5 months.  I am not as peppy, but my heart is still rejoicing that blessings are present even in the desert.  Jack and I truly don’t know how we could have made it this long without the prayers and community of love and support.  Your prayers and love really do make a difference!  I am once again sleepy, but wanted to use my energy for the day to send an update and thank you for your prayers.

Blessings, love and continued gratitude,

Becky

RESOURCES - BLESSINGS

Below are resources that have been shared with me and have blessed me:

Scripture Echoes – available on iTunes – Tracy Marx created – love listening to these beautifully orchestrated Scripture readings

Mini retreats and other helpful ideas/resources at http://www.equippinglydia.org/

Brief services and lunch every Wed at noon during Lent at First Presbyterian Church on

Orange Street

in Lancaster (Feb 29, March 7, 14, 21 & 28) – visit www.fpclive.org for more details

Taize service (contemplative/reflective service) at First Pres. in the chapel at 6:30 PM on Feb 29, March 14 & 28   

My favorite CD: Hidden in my Heart (a lullaby journey through Scripture) visit their website to hear their music : http://www.scripture-lullabies.com/ or you can download their music on iTunes

My favorite daily devotional – I have always desired daily emails or memos from God – this is the closest thing I have found – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young – available in bookstores, as well as, for your iPad, iPhone or iTouch http://thejesuscallingapp.com

I pray that some or all of these resources may bless you this Lenten Season and beyond.

LENTEN DEVOTIONAL - WRITTEN BY BECKY & INSPIRED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT

Lenten Devotional:

Isaiah 53:4-5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.

Physical pain can be like a hot fire – it quickly burns away our façade and exposes our deepest values and core beliefs and can mold and shape a person for life.  It can also destroy a person.  During extreme pain one does not care about their appearance, the tidiness of their home, or what other people think.  Ironically, prior to intense pain in my life, the aforementioned list is what I spent the majority of my time and energy on.  I have had horrific pain for the past 4 months that can only be described as torture.  I have been to Lancaster General, Temple University Hospital, and Johns Hopkins and undergone many tests and procedures without receiving a clear answer.  I was always comforted by the knowledge that God is with us every step of every day.  We do not need to prep Him on what is going on in our life, for He already knows what has occurred and what is to come.  The Lord is also available without appointment day or night.  However, there is a difference between observing pain and experiencing pain.  My husband, Jack, has held my hand through this entire ordeal, but he does not know how the pain feels.  Jesus, on the other hand, knows what torture feels like.  I know for myself if I had the power to stop the pain, I would do or say just about anything.  I have a new found appreciation for the grace Jesus purchased through His suffering that He could have extinguished any time He wanted.  I now travel to the cross with fresh scars and wounds, praising and thanking Jesus for His gift so I will be able to commune with the Lord forever. 

Dear Jesus, thank you for the generous gift of grace and forgiveness.  Lord, help us to share these gifts with those around us.  May our priorities reflect the journey you have shown us to the cross.  May our eyes stay fixed on you and your light shine inside each of us.  Amen.

3 PRAYER REQUESTS - GRACE, LENT, RIGGS

Hi faithful friends,

 

A brief update.  Your prayers have been answered once again.  The Ash Wed service is my favorite service of the entire year and it wasn't looking like I was going to make it yesterday.  Praise the Lord, I got a zap of energy at 5 PM last night and was able to shower and attend the beautiful and contemplative service at 6 PM.  Talk about God's divine timing!

 

I have 3 prayer requests:

 

1) Prayers for grace.  The pain is gone, but now I have a fuzzy brain and a body that needs more sleep than I thought was possible.  I feel like I am hibernating :0) I have been anxious to do things at home, but eating a meal wipes me out.  Please pray that I would have grace and patience with myself to rest.  Please pray for others being discharged from the hospital that they would have grace with themselves as hospital stays wipe a person out more than they realize.  I pray for you to have grace with yourself.

 

2) Prayers for the Lenten Season.  Now is a time in the church calendar to draw close to the Lord in preparation of Easter and the resurrection.  Here is a link to First Presbyterian's Lenten devotional book: http://fpclive.org/newsletters/LentenDevo.pdf  Members of the church write devotionals for this season.  This year's theme is journey to the cross.  God gave me the words and I submitted one that is for March 12.  You can also read my devotional on my blog: http://www.mourningintodancing.net/ I have also put on my blog other ideas/resources to draw close to God including Scripture Echos and Mini Retreats.

 

3) Prayers for Cherie and Randy Riggs.  Randy is the head pastor at our church and his wife is Cherie.  They are a beautiful and dynamic couple.  Cherie has battled cancer for a long time and now there is little the doctors can do.  Praise the Lord that Randy was able to take some time off this month from work to be by her side.  I love this couple and have wrestled with God as to how he could allow such a horrible thing to happen right at the time when Randy is about to retire.  Randy has been such a devoted pastor - shouldn't he be rewarded with a wonderful retirement with his wife?!  I do not understand.  My heart breaks for them and so my prayer has changed that they may celebrate and enjoy each day they have together...that quality would replace quantity. 

 

Thank you for your faithful prayers and support.

 

Lots of love and gratitude,

Becky

FREE - HOME AT LAST

Hi faithful friends,

 

I feel wonderful!  A dash giddy, a pinch of energy and a big bowl full of joy.  I was discharged this afternoon from the hospital.  After 11 consecutive days in the hospital it feels wonderful not only to be home, but to be home without pain!  Thanks be to God!  This is a first since September.  I wrote a little poem below to express my joy at being at home.

 

Free

 

I am FREE from hospital gowns with unsightly drafts and ties

I am FREE from liquid meals on trays that I despise

 

I am FREE from a hat in the commode

I am FREE from medical phrases that I try to decode

 

I am FREE from IVs with a pole companion

I am FREE from gaps in my memory the size of the Grand Canyon

 

I am FREE from a revolving door of doctors and some who are rough

I am FREE from being awoken hourly in the night by the squeeze of a blood pressure cuff

 

I am FREE from a bed that only holds one

I am FREE from one room to see the world and setting sun

 

I am FREE from beginning my mornings with needles in a good looking vein

Most of all, I am thankful to be FREE from the claws of pain

 

Please do not mistake my new found freedom to reflect poorly on the hospital.  I am grateful for their service and feel blessed to have health insurance.  While the cause of the pain has yet to be discovered, a temporary solution for the pain has been found.  I have long lasting morphine pills that allow me to be painfree all day and night.  Well, it has been an exciting day, but now it is time to catch some Zs.  

 

Thank you for your prayers.  They certainly have been heard and answered.  Of course, I still need lots of prayers for whatever is ahead.  I will certainly keep you posted on the genetic testing.  The lab estimates the results to be available in the next 1.5 weeks to 4 weeks.  Blessings and well wishes to each of you.

 

Love and peace,

Becky