Hurdle in the form of a hernia

Dearest friends and family,

I have hit another hiccup, but once again blessings abound.

Physical therapy has continued to provide me with relief and strength.  This past Monday evening I was completing my daily stretches before bed when I noticed something strange…a golf ball size bulge on my abdomen right next to my 5 inch incision.  Instinctively, I pressed on it.  Why?  I am not sure.  Unfortunately, this action caused me to almost vomit and pass out.  My head started to spin.  I am not sure if it was from pain or fear. 

I called to Jack, hoping I was just seeing things.  Nope.  Jack confirmed that I needed to call the doctor in the morning.  I had a hernia.  I had a hernia repair when I was 5.  While it wasn’t traumatizing, it was surgery. I was concerned about having to be opened up again.  The thought of another surgery was too much.  I should be a professional hospital patient, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of  IVs, hospital beds, hospital gowns, sterile rooms, etc.

Monday night was a sleepless night of pleading with God for no more incisions.  I tried my best to thank the Lord for this disguised blessing and ask for His help in having gratitude and joy overflow from my soul.  (I was inspired by Romans 15:13 – “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”)  That night and next day were spent saying silent breath prayers knowing and trusting that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God.  Only by God’s grace could I sing praises, as my heart pounded.

 Tuesday morning I was so queasy, I couldn’t eat breakfast.  I called the doctor’s office at 8 AM and was seen 45 minutes later.  The doctor confirmed that I have a hernia and ordered an ultrasound.  I was able to have the ultrasound done the same morning and by 1 PM, I had the results.  No surgery!  The hernia should heal with rest.  No stretching or straining the abdomen area.  I can handle that!

Obviously, a humongous praise for no surgery.  However, I am also aware that I was truly blessed to have peace of mind and results in less than 24 hours of discovering the hernia.  I was able to have the ultrasound Tuesday morning, because I hadn’t eaten.  I was never so happy to be nauseous. 

Jack drove me home from the doctors, walked in the house and twisted the wrong way causing his back to go into spasms.  Tuesday afternoon was spent trying to get Jack comfortable.  Typically, some moist heat and medicine do the trick.  Tuesday night Jack’s back was spazzing from just breathing. 

Today, Wed, we returned to the doctors and Jack was able to get some relief from a shot, an anti-inflammatory, and some pain medicine.  Once again God provided relatively fast relief through the aid of a medical doctor.

On a normal week this would be an emotional and physical fatiguing few days.  However, I was anticipating flying to Pennsylvania tomorrow (Thursday) for a healing prayer workshop at my former church home.  I was looking forward to not only being prayed over, but learning new ways to be a conduit for God’s love while connecting with beloved friends in Lancaster.  My plane tickets have been canceled and I am staying put.  My job right now is “working on healing” and thus, staying home and resting is what I need to focus on.

I feel like a football player who has the wind knocked out of them.  I am super disappointed.  I am incredibly thankful to be avoiding surgery, but why did this have to happen now?  As soon as this question popped into my head, a slew of worse scenarios arose.  This could have happened while I was away from home or it could have taken a long time to see a doctor and get results.

God has given me the strength I have needed each day.  This is a relatively small wave, but it has still managed to knock me down.  I am going to be fine, but I am more aware of how frightened to the core I am of complications or surgery.  I refuse to live in fear, but could use prayers to rest well after being shaken by fear.  Resting and being still are not my strengths, so prayers are greatly appreciated.

My heart also goes out to others who have been terrified and traumatized in much worse circumstances like Nairobi and Syria.  I feel so foolish and embarrassed at what frightens me when I ponder world events.  My hope is that by pointing to God’s hand at work in my imperfect life, others will see God at work in their life and share their own God stories.  I am encouraged by your prayers…know God is certainly at work!

Peace and deep gratitude,

Becky 

  

New Season

Dearest faithful friends and family,

August 19th marked 3 months without any insulin.  This is a miracle.  The islet cells you prayed for back in January continue to be going strong.

I also have to share that your prayers have brought me courage and out of courage my hope has been renewed. 

Eating smaller meals has helped my digestion, but unfortunately did not diminish my stabbing rib pain.  Instead, my rib pain increased in intensity, disrupted my sleep and prohibited me from finding a comfortable position to sit or lie down in.  Naturally, increased sleep deprivation and pain led to discouragement.

Thanks to your prayers and the encouragement of my husband, Jack, I returned to my primary care physician (PCP).  I was afraid that my rib pain was permanent and my PCP would throw his arms in the air and refuse to see me ever again.  (Yes, Jack would say I have an active imagination, since my PCP has displayed only extreme perseverance.)  A surprise to me, my dreaded appointment was quite fruitful.  My PCP predicted I have a muscular-skeletal problem and ordered an X-ray, prescribed an anti-inflammatory, and referred me to a physical therapist (PT). 

While the X-ray came back normal, the anti-inflammatory provided some instant relief.  My hands and knees have felt swollen, but I thought this was from the humidity.  After one dose, all my joints felt better and I had less rib pain lying down.

Courage was required once again.  I hate meeting a new individual in the medical field and having to retell my medical history.  I feel judged.  Of course I project the judgment on myself, believing that others look at me as someone who just cannot get it together.  I look healthy, so why can I not just be healthy.

Now for the mega news: I have 2 dislocated ribs and 3 vertebrae out of ailment.  My posture has been compromised over the past two years from hunching over in pain.  I am now going to PT twice a week and doing daily stretches to strengthen my core and improve my posture.  My sleep quality and energy have improved and hence my mood has improved.  I feel better now than I have felt in over a year.  I still tire easily and require naps, but I will take this any day over pain.

I must confess that I temporarily let go of my joy and celebration with one phone call.  The company I have disability insurance through called a week or so ago and asked “Aren’t you young for being on disability?  Don’t you want to work?”  I instantly felt guilt heap on me.  Thank goodness for Jack and my parents who reminded me that “I am working on healing.”  I am unsubscribing to the guilt and lies that I am not trying hard enough, and am celebrating less pain.

A friend of mine with 5 daughters and serious health issues, shared with me that she prays every morning for the strength for that day.  I am slowly making peace and letting go of control and instead clinging to the Lord, trusting God will provide me the strength I need for each day.  Like manna in the wilderness, God provides enough for today.  The other image that keeps surfacing in my mind is of Peter walking on water.  Peter is able to walk on water as long as he keeps his eyes on Jesus.  I start to sink every time I start focusing on my circumstances, instead of Jesus.  Thus, my prayer request is for perseverance to keep my focus on the Lord and thanksgiving for the faithful ways our God provides.

I have half-joked that the past 2 years I worked on a Masters in suffering.  As a new school year begins, I am optimistic that a new degree is underway.  I pray that I would be open to the lessons that each day holds.  Ecclesiastics reminds us that there is a season for everything.  May you encounter a season of purging what is not from God (fear, lies, etc.) and instead clothing yourself with God’s armor.

I am getting stronger and I hope a little better at responding to email.  Please know it is always an honor to pray for you or a loved one.

Gratitude and love,

Becky