Praise and prayer requests

Dearest faithful friends and family,

I feel like I am on an erratic roller coaster ride that was inspired by a yo-yo!  I have some GREAT news and future opportunities for good news.

The great news...drum roll...

My blood glucose levels have been doing so well that my endocrinologist has allowed me to only check my blood glucose twice a day instead of having to prick my fingers four times a day, as I’ve been doing since my surgery. This is a multi-layer praise.  First and foremost, this means my transplanted islet cells are happy and healthy in my liver.  Praise be to God!  Second, my not yet callused fingertips are thankful for the decrease in pricks.  Third, I now have more flexibility with meals and snacks, because I do not have to allow for 2 hour periods between snacks and meals.  Overall, a big wahoo!

Additional good news: vitamin deficiencies have been found and are being corrected.  My iron, Vitamin C and Vitamin D levels were all low, so I am taking supplements.  Correcting these deficiencies should provide a boost in energy.  Another Woohoo!

Now for the blessings disguised as trials.

My body has decided to not like food.  If it wasn't so painful, it would be funny.  Every time I try to eat, I have to run to the bathroom.  If my bowels got paid for working, they would be making some serious overtime :0)

In addition, sharp, stabbing pain has returned to my ribcage.  The pain has increased to the point that this past Wednesday night I prayed for the rapture to come.  I am ready for a new body and to be in a place without pain or tears.  However, God reminded me of my future children and I couldn’t help but change my prayer request for strength and wholeness to be a good mother.

The blessings include my prayer life becoming more focused and an increased awareness of my reliance on God has grown.  I could not sleep several nights this past week due to pain, so I prayed for everyone I could think of.  Due to my foggy memory, I am sure I prayed for many individuals multiple times.  I also felt compelled to pray for groups of people, especially those who are treading water and just trying to keep their head above water.  I feel empathy for those experiencing loss.  Loss of a loved one, a job/career, or a dream.  My heart is still adjusting to the longer than anticipated recovery from surgery.

Part of my current struggle is I am a math person who likes to plot points and make projections.  Right now my pain and energy are not trending in the desired direction.  I become discouraged because I am feeling worse now than I was three months ago. However, I am comforted by remembering God's faithfulness in the past.  I picture myself holding a lantern, because figuratively I can only see one arm length in front of me.  Thus, I ask for discernment from God for the next step (even though I impatiently want directions for the next 10 miles :0)    

Tomorrow (Monday 7/29/13) at 9 AM I will have my 8^th endoscopy.  (Side note: this was originally scheduled for 3PM, but on Friday I got a call that there was a cancellation and I could have the procedure done at 9 AM.  This is a HUGE praise! While I have already had 7 endoscopies this is the first one where I am diabetic.  When you are not to eat or drink after midnight, 9 AM is a lot less daunting than 3 PM.)  I feel like I should be a professional at IVs and hospitals and medical tests, but I am not.  The smells and the gowns cause a lot of past memories to erupt.  My prayer requests are for peace and a simple solution to my latest pain and digestive gyrations.

The consecutive days of pain, sleepless nights, and frequent runs to the bathroom have worn me down.  The image that comes to mind are of ocean waves.  It takes a sizeable wave to knock a person down, but once down little waves can prevent a person from collecting themselves, regaining orientation and balance, and ultimately standing up.  I trust and hold on to the hope of better days and blessings rooted in purpose.  I know attitude is essential for survival.  My toolbox of attitude boosters include: Scripture, music, inspiring stories, and thoughts of my future forever children.  The latter, as previously mentioned, is what helps me keep fighting when I feel like giving up.

I have been reading about different individuals who have been conduits for healing who have first experienced suffering.  This is not to glorify suffering, but to acknowledge transformation can be a by-product.  I want to be a conduit for healing.  I would prefer for my updates to have neatly tied bows with no loose ends (aka no issues, concerns or struggles).  However, my life has been significantly improved by transparent lives.  Thus, I humbly aspire and hope that by sharing my work-in-progress life will nourish others who are struggling.

With gratitude and love,

Becky    

6 days from 6 month mark

Hello my dear faithful friends and family,

Happy 4th of July!  Many thanks to all who have contributed to the freedoms Americans get to enjoy every day.  I was reflecting on all of the freedoms I am blessed with.  Many of the freedoms I have been offered are not mandated by the government, but instead have come in the form of invitation from friends. The freedom and space to vent, to cry, and to ask unanswerable questions.  Thank YOU!

In 6 days I will reach the 6 month mark of being pancreas-free (on July 10th).  I have longed for this day with great anticipation.  I envisioned being able to work and being “normal”.  As my sister reminded me, normal is only a setting on the dryer.  Thus, I am slowly accepting my “new normal”.

Update from last post…

On Tuesday, June 11th I saw Dr. Adams at MUSC.  He believes my pain is nerve related, but in order to rule out any complications from surgery he ordered a CT scan, blood work and an endoscopy. 

Prayers were answered that day.  According to the hospital, the typical time it takes insurance companies to approve a CT scan is between 15 minutes and an hour.  I was told not to eat before the CT scan.  It took 5 hours, many phone calls, and the intervention of supervisors to approve my CT scan. 

Unfortunately, after 5 hours of waiting and 9 hours of not having anything substantial, my blood sugars were off and I was feeling very weak.  I began dry heaving and couldn’t get the radioactive, chalky drink down that was required for the CT scan.  I went up to the receptionist in the waiting room and asked if a clear drink option was available.  (Many years ago I had a CT scan done in an ER and they gave me a clear drink that I was able to swallow.  In the past I have had nurses yell at me for not being able to consume prep concoctions.)  Praise be to God, a very kind and compassionate nurse met with me and gave me two cups filled with clear liquids.  She offered sympathy and said if I could get one cup down that would be sufficient.  By God’s grace, I was able to swallow one cup worth of radioactive “juice” and have the CT scan completed before flying to PA the next morning.

The 3 prayer requests I posted last month have all been answered.

In reverse order, request # 3 was for a safe and joyful opportunity to celebrate and see loved ones.  I had the joy to see many friends and family, and only wish I had had more time to spend with all of them.  I am thankful for the phone and email, but my favorite form of communication is in person.  God blessed me with opportunities to catch up with individuals who have known me for years and with whom my guard falls down naturally and instantly.  What a gift!  I feel incredibly blessed to have people in my life who accept me just as I am, missing organs and all :0)  Every day was a joy-filled celebration.  As a bonus, I was able to meet individuals whom I had never previously met, but who have been praying for me.  This is always a tremendous honor.  I am now safely back in SC with many wonderful memories, feeling more connected with friends and family.

Request #2 was for conclusive answers Tuesday at MUSC and a simple solution to the pain, and ultimately the issue.  More good news: the scan and blood work came back normal.  The endoscopy is scheduled for the end of July.  Thus, at this point it appears the issue is nerve pain.  My nerve blocking pain medicine was increased by Dr. Adams 3 weeks ago.  Unfortunately, my pain frequency and intensity increased over the past month impacting my ability to sleep, causing fatigue and frustration.  Yesterday, I had an appointment with my primary care physician.  He also believes I am suffering from nerve pain.  My nerve blocking pain medicine has once again been increased.  However, if by next week I am continuing to have pain, then I will be prescribed a different nerve blocking pain medication.  Also more blood work was done to check for vitamin deficiencies.  I am thankful to say that last night I got a great nice sleep and was able to take a long nap today, as well.  I am also grateful for an action plan.

Request #1 was to be able to hold onto hope and not be discouraged by this pothole in the recovery process.  This has been a daily plea for me.  My mind is so ready and excited to work, but my physical body is terribly unpredictable.  I can feel fine one second and the next minute be crippled in pain.  I also become tired very quickly.

This past weekend I felt like my little world was shattered.  I rode with Jack as we ran some errands.  After a few stops, I was exhausted and felt ill.  I had to come hope and lay down.  My stamina and strength were better 3 months ago.  What was happening?!  I emailed a patient at MUSC who had her pancreas removed in 2009.  She encouraged me that it was normal to become tired easily and 4 years after her surgery she continues to have to rest frequently.  I was so excited to begin working and was looking at on-line graduate school programs.  Now I can’t even go to the grocery store without a nap before and after.  I came across the words from Isaiah 30:15 (NLT):

This is what the Sovereign Lord,

the Holy One of Israel, says:

“Only in returning to me

and resting in me will you be saved.

In quietness and confidence is your strength."

I attempted to rest and trust that my strength comes from the Lord.

This past Sunday morning (6/30/13), after feeling like I was going to vomit and pass out, I laid down and cried out to God.   I hadn’t slept the past two nights and the pain was becoming unbearable.  I lamented that this was not the life I envisioned for myself.  What child or student dreams of being disabled and weak at age 30?!  I desperately wanted hope and reassurance.  I tried for a second time to get ready for church.  As I was brushing my hair, I looked at a Scripture I had tacked up on my mirror.  A very familiar verse from Jeremiah (29:11 NLT):

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,“ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I had read this verse so many times, but today the final words struck me.  I am promised a hope and a future.  That is what I want and need.  I felt as if this verse had been written today to answer my cry.  By God’s grace, I made it to church and got to hear my husband preach an exceptionally powerful sermon.  Guess what verse was in the bulletin?  Jeremiah 29:11.  I almost started to cry.  God wanted to be sure I knew that I have hope and a future via the Lord.

Jack, my husband, preached on Elijah and Elisha.  To keep them straight, J comes before S in the alphabet.  EliJah was a prophet who taught EliSha.  EliSha’s request was to have a spirit like his prophet teacher, EliJah.  Jack spoke about how we can be EliJah’s and be role models and leaders to EliShas in our life.  Jack encouraged the congregation to think about ourselves as EliShas and look for mentors, or EliJahs in our life.  I reflected on the EliJahs in my life, who have helped mold and shape me.  My brain is like Jell-O, but I can think of 10 off the top of my head. 

I had hoped to be a teacher post-recovery, but at this point it is not looking likely.  I started to feel sad and then remembered that I have hope and a future.  Maybe I will be a teacher in an untraditional way.  Only God knows.  Regardless, I have hope and a future! (Can you tell this is my new mantra?)

What came next, I would have never imagined.

A lady in our church, who has shown great compassion to many, including myself, came up to me and said she had to tell me what a wonderful sermon Jack preached.  My favorite compliments in the world, are ones about my beloved husband, so my day was made! 

However, she continued on to say, she had to tell me that she was reflecting on the EliJahs in her life and I was one.  What?!  I am half her age and she has only known me for 9 months.  She survived cancer and the death of her first husband.  What could she possibly learn from me?!  This is not a plug for myself, but a two-fold blessing.  God heard my distressed plea for hope.  I have felt stuck, like an al dente noodle thrown against a wall.  I have had a narrow picture of what abundant life looks like and God is showing me that there are many things I am oblivious to and do not see, like impacting someone’s life.  Second, this just goes to show, you never know who is watching and being influenced by YOU!

Your prayers certainly have influenced my life.  I am so thankful and humbled that I am remembered in others prayers.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon a blog written by someone who had chronic pancreatitis and had the same surgery as me to remove her pancreas and have her islet cells transplanted into her liver.  The blog is http://www.mylifeafterpancreatitis.blogspot.com/  She posted on January 2, 2013, “I have survived 6 years post surgery, taking each day as they come. I have attempted to be transparent to all. I still have pain, and there are days that are spend in bed flat, but there are days that are full of joy.”  I scrolled through her posts and came across one that she wrote 7 months after surgery.  She talked about how she feels like someone has kicked her all around her ribs.  I have been telling Jack how I feel like someone has taken brass knuckles to my ribs.  There is hope and joy in knowing someone else has had a similar experience, especially because I start to feel crazy.  This is an unexpected gift and blessing as I try to navigate “my new normal”.

Please know that prayers do get answered.  I received a card in the mail yesterday that declares, “No ocean can hold it back.  No river can overtake it.  No whirlwind can go faster.  No army can defeat it.  No law can stop it.  No distance can slow it.  No disease can cripple it.  No force on earth is more powerful or effective than the power of PRAYER.”  Can I get an Amen?!!!

Thank you for your powerful prayers.  I pray that you may be encouraged that God has plans for you that include hope and a future.  My energy is low, so I am not good at replying to emails, but I do pray often.  I am always delighted to pray for others, knowing that prayers are answered.  Thus, please feel free to let me know how I can pray specifically for you or a loved one.

Blessings,

Becky