RESOURCES - BLESSINGS

Below are resources that have been shared with me and have blessed me:

Scripture Echoes – available on iTunes – Tracy Marx created – love listening to these beautifully orchestrated Scripture readings

Mini retreats and other helpful ideas/resources at http://www.equippinglydia.org/

Brief services and lunch every Wed at noon during Lent at First Presbyterian Church on

Orange Street

in Lancaster (Feb 29, March 7, 14, 21 & 28) – visit www.fpclive.org for more details

Taize service (contemplative/reflective service) at First Pres. in the chapel at 6:30 PM on Feb 29, March 14 & 28   

My favorite CD: Hidden in my Heart (a lullaby journey through Scripture) visit their website to hear their music : http://www.scripture-lullabies.com/ or you can download their music on iTunes

My favorite daily devotional – I have always desired daily emails or memos from God – this is the closest thing I have found – Jesus Calling by Sarah Young – available in bookstores, as well as, for your iPad, iPhone or iTouch http://thejesuscallingapp.com

I pray that some or all of these resources may bless you this Lenten Season and beyond.

LENTEN DEVOTIONAL - WRITTEN BY BECKY & INSPIRED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT

Lenten Devotional:

Isaiah 53:4-5

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.

Physical pain can be like a hot fire – it quickly burns away our façade and exposes our deepest values and core beliefs and can mold and shape a person for life.  It can also destroy a person.  During extreme pain one does not care about their appearance, the tidiness of their home, or what other people think.  Ironically, prior to intense pain in my life, the aforementioned list is what I spent the majority of my time and energy on.  I have had horrific pain for the past 4 months that can only be described as torture.  I have been to Lancaster General, Temple University Hospital, and Johns Hopkins and undergone many tests and procedures without receiving a clear answer.  I was always comforted by the knowledge that God is with us every step of every day.  We do not need to prep Him on what is going on in our life, for He already knows what has occurred and what is to come.  The Lord is also available without appointment day or night.  However, there is a difference between observing pain and experiencing pain.  My husband, Jack, has held my hand through this entire ordeal, but he does not know how the pain feels.  Jesus, on the other hand, knows what torture feels like.  I know for myself if I had the power to stop the pain, I would do or say just about anything.  I have a new found appreciation for the grace Jesus purchased through His suffering that He could have extinguished any time He wanted.  I now travel to the cross with fresh scars and wounds, praising and thanking Jesus for His gift so I will be able to commune with the Lord forever. 

Dear Jesus, thank you for the generous gift of grace and forgiveness.  Lord, help us to share these gifts with those around us.  May our priorities reflect the journey you have shown us to the cross.  May our eyes stay fixed on you and your light shine inside each of us.  Amen.

3 PRAYER REQUESTS - GRACE, LENT, RIGGS

Hi faithful friends,

 

A brief update.  Your prayers have been answered once again.  The Ash Wed service is my favorite service of the entire year and it wasn't looking like I was going to make it yesterday.  Praise the Lord, I got a zap of energy at 5 PM last night and was able to shower and attend the beautiful and contemplative service at 6 PM.  Talk about God's divine timing!

 

I have 3 prayer requests:

 

1) Prayers for grace.  The pain is gone, but now I have a fuzzy brain and a body that needs more sleep than I thought was possible.  I feel like I am hibernating :0) I have been anxious to do things at home, but eating a meal wipes me out.  Please pray that I would have grace and patience with myself to rest.  Please pray for others being discharged from the hospital that they would have grace with themselves as hospital stays wipe a person out more than they realize.  I pray for you to have grace with yourself.

 

2) Prayers for the Lenten Season.  Now is a time in the church calendar to draw close to the Lord in preparation of Easter and the resurrection.  Here is a link to First Presbyterian's Lenten devotional book: http://fpclive.org/newsletters/LentenDevo.pdf  Members of the church write devotionals for this season.  This year's theme is journey to the cross.  God gave me the words and I submitted one that is for March 12.  You can also read my devotional on my blog: http://www.mourningintodancing.net/ I have also put on my blog other ideas/resources to draw close to God including Scripture Echos and Mini Retreats.

 

3) Prayers for Cherie and Randy Riggs.  Randy is the head pastor at our church and his wife is Cherie.  They are a beautiful and dynamic couple.  Cherie has battled cancer for a long time and now there is little the doctors can do.  Praise the Lord that Randy was able to take some time off this month from work to be by her side.  I love this couple and have wrestled with God as to how he could allow such a horrible thing to happen right at the time when Randy is about to retire.  Randy has been such a devoted pastor - shouldn't he be rewarded with a wonderful retirement with his wife?!  I do not understand.  My heart breaks for them and so my prayer has changed that they may celebrate and enjoy each day they have together...that quality would replace quantity. 

 

Thank you for your faithful prayers and support.

 

Lots of love and gratitude,

Becky

FREE - HOME AT LAST

Hi faithful friends,

 

I feel wonderful!  A dash giddy, a pinch of energy and a big bowl full of joy.  I was discharged this afternoon from the hospital.  After 11 consecutive days in the hospital it feels wonderful not only to be home, but to be home without pain!  Thanks be to God!  This is a first since September.  I wrote a little poem below to express my joy at being at home.

 

Free

 

I am FREE from hospital gowns with unsightly drafts and ties

I am FREE from liquid meals on trays that I despise

 

I am FREE from a hat in the commode

I am FREE from medical phrases that I try to decode

 

I am FREE from IVs with a pole companion

I am FREE from gaps in my memory the size of the Grand Canyon

 

I am FREE from a revolving door of doctors and some who are rough

I am FREE from being awoken hourly in the night by the squeeze of a blood pressure cuff

 

I am FREE from a bed that only holds one

I am FREE from one room to see the world and setting sun

 

I am FREE from beginning my mornings with needles in a good looking vein

Most of all, I am thankful to be FREE from the claws of pain

 

Please do not mistake my new found freedom to reflect poorly on the hospital.  I am grateful for their service and feel blessed to have health insurance.  While the cause of the pain has yet to be discovered, a temporary solution for the pain has been found.  I have long lasting morphine pills that allow me to be painfree all day and night.  Well, it has been an exciting day, but now it is time to catch some Zs.  

 

Thank you for your prayers.  They certainly have been heard and answered.  Of course, I still need lots of prayers for whatever is ahead.  I will certainly keep you posted on the genetic testing.  The lab estimates the results to be available in the next 1.5 weeks to 4 weeks.  Blessings and well wishes to each of you.

 

Love and peace,

Becky 

GOOD NEWS - COMPLETELY PAIN FREE FOR A FEW HOURS TODAY!

Dearest prayer warriors,

Praise be to God – I had a great day!  I have had several consecutive hours of absolutely pain-free living!  First time in approximately 5 months!  After several bad days & nights, the doctors decided to put me on a morphine pump.  I will not be staying on the morphine very long, but the doctors wanted to get the pain under control and provide me with some quality rest.  I have slept for the better part of today and am still pretty sleepy.

On Feb 13^th my blood work arrived in California.  Hallelujah!  Can I get an amen?  Jack called the lab and it will take 14 to 28 business days to process the blood work.  Needless to say, genetic testing takes a lot longer than other blood work that is processed within a few hours.

Areas I could use prayer – strength and endurance while I wait for the results

(the pain and the delays have attributed to feelings of despair), pain management (figuring out how to keep the pain under control, so I can go home), digestion relief (the narcotics have stopped my GI track from moving), nutrition (they have put me back on a clear liquid diet for the past 3 days), and relief for my caretakers (this has been an exhausting journey, especially at times when I scream out in pain and I have to wait hours to get relief.) 

My eyelids feel like they have weights on them, so I will say good night.  My prayers of thanksgiving go out for all God has done and for all of the support and encouragement that has surrounded Jack and me.

Love and deep gratitude,

Becky 

FIRSTS - BLESSINGS - MIRACLE

Hi dearest friends,

 

What a week?! Last Wed, my next door neighbor took me for physical therapy for my stomach.  I was nervous, but it was a huge blessing.  Afterwards my organs felt spread apart and open (not sure exactly how to describe it).

 

Thursday morning I woke up with horrible pain.  Pain medicine was not working.  Back to the ER.  As usual, they took blood and got me comfortable with IV pain meds.  For the FIRST TIME, blood work came back with something...pancreatitis.  Different tests have shown signs of pancreatitis, but never signs of current pancreatitis.  Not sure what this means, but it is something.  I had thought I would get my pain under control and then leave the ER on Thursday.  This was my plan, but not God's.  I was admitted into the hospital and am still at the hopsital.

 

FIRST TIME I had a roommate (I'm up to my fourth now).  FIRST TIME I had a catheter.  FIRST TIME I have spent the night without my mom or Jack in the hospital. 

 

Ready for the blessings?!  Outstanding care of hospital staff, a good night's rest last night (the previous 2 nights I had been vomiting at night and having horrible abdominal pain), 2nd roommate was really sweet, arrival of lots of beautiful flower cards from people not even realizing I was in the hospital (I have a shelf under the TV with the cards...I think of it as my flower garden of encouragement), fresh strawberries to eat with my meals (ecstatic to be eating solid food again after 2 days of no food or liquids), friends providing delicious meals for Jack (nothing better than seeing my amazing caretaker being taken care of), and many more blessings that my mushy brain is not recalling.

 

A huge MIRACLE happened on Friday.  Jack went home for lunch and the mail had just dropped off the kit from Johns Hopkins.  Jack quickly brought it back to the hospital, they took my blood (I didn't even wake up) and it was sent via FedEx with 10 minutes to spare. Right under the wire. 

 

Still in God's waiting room - waiting for results from the California lab and a game plan to extinguish the pain. 

 

I greatly appreciate your prayers.  The lyrics from a song that I have been listening to as I fall asleep have brought me a lot of encouragement and I wanted to pass them along.

 

those who put their trust in Jesus

those who have their hope in the Lord

they will fly like an eagle

soar through the sky

far above the storm

they will glide on the cool breeze

safe from the fight

 

As always, delighted and honored to pray for you.

 

On eagles wings,

Becky

WAITING - ERCP ON HOLD

Hi dearest friends,

Don Hackett is the minister that married Jack and I.  (This might help put a face with a name.)  Don and his wife, Rila, have had great influence in our lives over the years. 

This past Friday was a rough day.  To put it in perspective, some days we can fill an entire page in our gratitude journal and on Friday it had one item - Don's phone call and prayer.

Praise the Lord that there are people in our lives who know what we need, even when we don't realize it & can't put it into words.  My mom realized Jack and I needed helped and called Don and asked him to pray for us over the phone.  Typically, Jack and I can come up with some positive words, but all I could say to Don was, "I cannot hold on any longer."  Don's compassionate and wise response was, "It is okay to let go.  God will catch you." 

Don was not trying to be cryptic and neither are we.  However, we do not have any definite news or answers.  The ERCP procedure (the one that will hopefully extinguish the pain) has been put on hold.  We cannot even schedule it.  A lab test came back positive and Dr. Singh at Hopkins wants to now run genetic tests before proceeding.  We have to WAIT for the genetic test to be mailed to us.  We then take it to a lab here and I give up some blood and then it is mailed to California.  Guess what's next? More WAITING for it to be received, proceed and then reviewed.  Our doctor in Lancaster expects all this to take 2 - 3 weeks.  Waiting is one thing, but waiting while you're in pain seems unbearable.  What's next we do not know, but I promise to keep you posted.
 
What we need now is prayer.  Jack and I are both running on fumes.  We trust the Lord, but we need prayers of comfort, peace, hope, healing, and joy.  We need prayers of protection from fear and pain.

I had an appointment with my local doctor in Lancaster yesterday.  He wasn't able to bring much insight into the situation, but was able to express his sympathy for the waiting and frustration.  He prescribed a new pain medicine for me to try in addition to the narcotics.  This new medicine seems to be working well, but makes me extremely sleepy and my brain feels like it is in a fog.  I was reassured that none of my pain meds are going to damage my brain long-term. (This was an honest concern of mine.)  Dr. Granger also told me that chronic pain can make a person depressed and narcotics tend to make individuals depressed, so it is okay to feel depressed.  I think I needed to hear that this is normal and to have permission to feel depressed.  I have tried to see the positive side (and there have been A  LOT of blessings - I am not discounting them), but now not having a date, let alone a plan to eliminate the pain is very overwhelming. 

Even though I am very drowsy, I tend to be restless.  Please pray that I could rest well.  Also, please pray for Jack.  He has been so amazing.  He doesn't get angry when I wake him up in the middle of night screaming with pain or the repetition of my unanswerable questions.  He is so strong and compassionate.  However, I know all of this is taking a toll on him.  I would greatly appreciate if you prayed for Jack, as well.  As always, I love praying and do it often.  Please let me know how I can pray for you.

Love and thanks,
Becky

Waiting & Cabin Fever

Hi faithful friends,

It has been over a week and I still have NOT received a date for my surgery.  Scheduling informed me that Dr. Singh only does ERCPs on Mondays.  The new pain medicine I am supposed to try, that is not a narcotic which I am ecstatic about, was denied by my insurance company.  I continue to get paperwork from the disability insurance company to complete and fax in.  I have also had a bad pain attack at least once every day for the past 10 days. 

Tuesday I wrote the following and then ran out of steam:  I had a crash of feeling today.  I feel exhausted despite over 16 hours of sleep a day.  I am discouraged and anxious.  I want to know why this pain continues and what the purpose is.  I want to be healed and move on.  I feel stuck.  I am with my husband, Jack, or my mom for long periods of time and have not really been around others for extended periods of time in over 4 months.  I miss work and a schedule.  My energy and concentration make it hard for me to be on my computer for very long or talk on the phone.  I feel like I have cabin fever.  Jack suggested that I try and process my feelings by writing and my words may help articulate how someone else is feeling.  I wrote a poem entitled Cabin Fever with a Twist…it is a work in progress…you can read it below if you like.

Today (2/2): God, heard my cries!  Tuesday night Jack transformed our living room into a spa/oasis by setting up candles all over and putting together a table fountain labeled Serenity. Wed I sat outside for 20 minutes and soaked in some Vitamin D.  I pretended I was in the Caribbean (It was very mild in Lancaster – in the low 60s!)  I was able to go out today to a Beth Moore study and was embraced by so many loving women.  Guess what?  The study was all about joy and anguish!  Beth Moore explained joy and anguish can coexist, they can switch places and anguish can birth joy.  I am empowered by the latter.  All of these points were backed up with scripture and personal experience.  I do not know what exactly God is birthing out of this pain, but I am hopeful about the birth of future children and possibly a new passion.

I promise to keep you posted once I get a surgery date.  I appreciate all of your prayers and intercessions on my behalf.  As always, I love to come along side and pray for you and rejoice with you.  A friend shared with me an answered prayer for bookshelves and it lifted my spirits.  I love hearing specific ways God blesses and cares for His children.

.  Below is a poem I wrote and a list of all of things I can do (I was feeling limited, so making the list felt good).

Cabin Fever with a Twist

I have cabin fever, but it is warm outside and cold inside

I am trying to take this in stride

I have been so blessed, but I feel I am running out of all I’ve been supplied

The chains of work have been replaced with IVs and pain

I try not to complain

I just don’t know how to break free and fly away on an airplane

I had an active brain that was saturated with lists now it feels like baby food mush

When I try and rush

My words get all jumbled and I am left with tears and slush

My alert eyes have been exchanged with water faucets that daily moisten my cheeks

This has gone on for over 16 weeks

Fortunately there have been peaks

Time which I use to race, now ticks by so slowly with no clear finish line in sight

I am blessed to be able to write

I process my feelings and recall miracles and pray for others which is a true delight

Food that provides energy and nourishment appears to be a bomb now that triggers pain

I much rather be serving and have friends over to entertain

Bake sweet treats and quiche Lorraine

Dancing is now only seen and not felt

However, I picture the day I can dance with my children and it makes my heart melt

Our dancing will be special and unique, obviously not from a conveyor belt

Sleep is my comfort and escape from this limited life

A place away from a stabbing steak knife

This is all until I go on the surgeon’s knife

Until then, I dream of energy, a clear mind, and a warm home with my children and husband

That overflows with warmth and giggles and sunshine covering the land

Where we can always lend a helping hand

I dream of a place where pain and sorrow are traded for love and joy.

A place where friends celebrate and community is rich and all enjoy

Every girl and every boy

I am blessed with sprinkles of my dream throughout these blurry days. 

Email, cards, soothing songs, prayers they all transport me to my sunroom and out of the haze

Praise the Lord, for He opens windows in the waiting room and brings in the rays.

I can do…I can walk, I can do stairs, I can shower, I can pray, I can see, I can hear, I can touch, I can taste delicious fresh fruit that is out of season in Lancaster, I can communicate with friends and friends of friends, I can listen to encouraging music, I can read, I can write, I can speak, and I can love and be loved. 

Love and deep gratitude,

Becky