10 year anniversary reflections

How can it be? Today, the 10^th of January, marks 10 years that I have been pancreas-free. I am stunned at how much time has passed. I had just turned 30 years old less than a month before my surgery. Today, I am freshly forty and feeling incredibly blessed.

For my birthday, my husband and mother organized a card shower. Getting to read over memories, sweet notes, and encouraging Scripture passages definitely made my heart swell. Many friends I have known for decades and others I have only known for a few years. I am grateful for how God has crossed my paths with some of the most amazing individuals.

A little update on me, I am tutoring math virtually with Air Tutors and love the students I get to work with. I continue to enjoy reading devotionals, practicing yoga, baking bread and cookies, playing in my garden, and spending time with friends and family.

My health continues to be overall miraculous. I have not needed one hospital stay since my surgery. My A1C (my 3-month blood sugar average) is in the normal range. I have not needed regular narcotic pain medicine since recovering from surgery.

I still struggle with malabsorption and chronic fatigue. I have had a few health hiccups in the past year or so. Thankfully, I have a team of great doctors in Pennsylvania who are helping me to navigate this next season.

While I may have been on many pain meds 10 years ago, I will never forget the outpouring of love and prayers for my family. I was and continue to be humbled reflecting on how many folks sent cards, made meals, prayed, and shared countless acts of love.

I have learned a lot in the past 10 years…how to inject insulin, to jump at an opportunity to bring someone a meal (it can mean soooo much!), to embrace wearing sweatpants, to work a smart phone (didn’t have one of those 10 years ago!), to never pass up an opportunity to have tea or coffee with a friend, how to navigate the foster care system (never thought I would be a foster parent), and more!

Who knows what the next decade will hold and what I will learn. I look forward to opportunities to reconnect with friends and meet new friends. Regardless what hills and valleys await, I pray that I will daily look for signs of hope and record notes of gratitude. I eagerly anticipate what God has to teach me.

Blessings & deep gratitude, Becky

8 years pancreas free

This morning while making breakfast it dawned on me that today marks 8 years since I had my pancreas removed. In some ways that surgery seems like a lifetime ago. When I compare how much pain I felt and how ill I was back then to the present, I can't help but swell with gratitude. My health is a million times better, I am a mama to a beautiful and spunky daughter, and I continue to have a loving and supportive spouse.

In February 2020, I got to share my memoir with the medical team from MUSC, including my surgeon, that made my pancreatectomy possible. Little did I know how divine the timing of my visit was.

This past year has been challenging for all. As someone with a compromised immune system, the pandemic has caused my anxiety to surge at times. However, spending more time at home with my daughter and husband has been a gift.

Less than 2 years ago I started using an insulin pump to help maintain "normal" blood glucose levels. Unfortunately, I experienced a lot of times where my blood sugar would fall quickly to dangerously low levels. When my blood sugar crashes I feel like I have the flu - I get cold sweats and chills, feel extra nauseous and like I am about to pass out. Even after my blood sugar rebounds, I am left feeling wiped out and ill for the remainder of the day. Eventually my insulin pump levels were adjusted to the lowest settings and my blood sugar was still crashing multiple times a day. At the advice of my endocrinologist, I am now completely off the pump and am giving myself injections of insulin as needed.

My body continues to require daily naps and my body wears out before my mind every day. I am embarrassed to admit that still, at times, I seek value in a job or productivity. When I remember how far I have come, though, my perspective drastically and instantly changes. I am truly blessed, even if I am still a work in progress.

My hope and prayer is that just as I have experienced miraculous healing, our country and world would undergo life changing "surgery" to move forward in healing and reconciling.

Memoir Published and Speaking Locations

Literally with love, sweat, tears, and gratitude I humbly announce that my memoir is complete. This blog and the individuals who read it, helped inspired the memoir. However, there are a lot of additional stories and details included in the memoir. I worked on writing this memoir off and on for the past 7 years.

Back cover blurb: At age twenty-eight, Becky Miller was a businesswoman and pastor’s wife, preparing to be a mother. Narcotics, feeding tubes, and transplant surgery were not on her radar. But when an undiagnosed illness changes the trajectory of her life, Becky becomes an expert in pain. After losing her job, her community, the children she had hoped to adopt, her pancreas, and her perceived control of life -- her teetering faith ultimately discovers new depth and strength. Hope and humor find surprising footing in this memoir, which chronicles her rise from despair to hope.

Transplanting Hope is available on Amazon. It is also available directly from me at speaking events.

God's sense of humor continues...as I share my memoir in PA, OH, VA, NC, and SC! I will be speaking on how hope and gratitude can coexist with pain and trauma. See details below for speaking locations.

10 am on Sunday, Sept 15th

at First Presbyterian Church* (in the chapel)

140 East Orange Street

Lancaster, PA 17602

7 pm on Sunday, Sept 15th

at Moravian Manor (in Steinman Hall)

300 West Lemon Street

Lititz, PA 17543

7 pm on Wednesday, Sept 18th

at Wooster Mennonite Church*

1563 Beall Avenue

Wooster, OH 44691

6 pm on Thursday, Sept 19th

at Northview Alliance Church*

3464 Burbank Road

Wooster, OH 44691

10:30 am on Monday, Oct 14th

at Westminster Canterbury

1600 Westbrook Avenue

Richmond, VA 23227

evening on Wednesday, Oct 16th

at Sea Island Presbyterian Church*

81 Lady's Island Drive

Beaufort, SC 29907

12 pm on Sunday, Oct 20th

at Bedford Presbyterian Church* (in the fellowship hall)

115 E Penn Street

Bedford, PA 15522

Worship service on Sunday, November 10th

at The People's Church*

218 Gospel Time Way

Mount Airy, NC 27030

*At each church, 10% of memoir sales will be donated to that congregation.

Books will be available for purchase for $20 each and I would be honored to personalize.

Don't see a location near you? Private message me if you are interested in me speaking at your church, organization, small group, etc.

My prayer is to encourage and inspire hope!

5 Years Pancreas Free!

I survived and enjoyed the holidays. Life is extra sweet with a forever daughter who loves to give gifts and hugs. Unfortunately, my insulin injections did not lower my blood sugar levels significantly. My endocrinologist now has me taking insulin before every meal if my sugar level is above 130. I blacked out once giving myself insulin and thought I was going to vomit a few times. However, after a few weeks, I have gotten better at sticking myself quickly and not getting flustered.

Today marks five years without a pancreas! Wow! I can’t believe I am here. My surgery in many ways seems so long ago. I’m thankful for the quality of life I get to enjoy. I still require daily naps, but do not have daily pain. Praise be to God!

With all of the advances in medicine, I’m hopeful that by the time my islet cells stop working, I will qualify for a bionic pancreas. Every time I have to give myself insulin, I am reminded that each day is a gift. I am blessed and hope to be a blessing to others.

Holiday Food: A Blessing and a Curse

Today I met with my endocrinologist. My average blood sugar levels are not where she would like them. They show definite strain. I had met with a dietician a few months ago to help lower my sugar levels with diet. Three weeks into my new diet, I started violently vomiting and pulled muscles in my ribcage area. I thought I was having a phantom pancreatic attack. After oral pain medicine did not help, I went to the ER. I was given IV nausea and pain medicine and felt better for a few hours. The very next day the pain was back with vengeance. I went to MUSC and was told I needed to switch medicine for my acid reflux and may have an ulcer. After a 12 hour fast, an endoscopy determined I still had food sitting in my stomach. My gastroparesis (delayed stomach emptying) had flared up. Unfortunately, the diabetic diet and gastroparesis diet have very little overlap.

The holidays seem extra hard as I love Christmas cookies, bread, stuffing, potatoes, and generally all foods that are all terrible for a diabetic. How do I enjoy the holidays and not kill my islet cells? I’ve decided to drink lots of water and eat cheese (protein) before going to any Christmas event. If I have an empty stomach, it is much harder to have self-control.

I want to keep my islet cells happy as long as possible, especially because I can’t grow any new ones. However, the solution now is for me to give myself an injection of insulin every night. I really dislike needles.

Adoption Finalized!

I have long anticipated this day and being able to share this news. My husband and I, after a year of fostering our daughter are now legally her forever parents. We chose the name Amarissa, which means “promised of God” in Hebrew. Today the judge signed the papers. We no longer have a dark cloud hanging over our head. Praise and glory be to God for this HUGE answer to prayer. I persevered through pain to be a strong mother. I’m so grateful that I had friends and family who would not let me give up on this dream. I may be a little biased, but I think I have the sweetest daughter in the world. She was definitely worth the wait!

John the Baptist

John the Baptist is questioned by Jewish leaders as to who he is. In case John can't think on his feet, he is asked if he is the Messiah, a prophet or Elijah (John 1:19-21).

John's response strikes me.

John replies that he is a VOICE crying out in the wilderness (John 1:23).

John's response calls me to examine how I define myself.

Before my illness, my degree and employment were how I described myself. Now as a disabled individual, I have been inspired to redefine myself and think more creatively about my value. I am a daughter, a wife, and a mother. I enjoy yoga and tutoring math. However, my greatest title is "child of God". How often do I truly see myself as a child of God when I look figuratively in the mirror?

I have gone through the fire of horrific, debilitating pain. I am scarred and cinders of pain still appear. Thankfully, I have pain free days and a voice to share my experience. My goal continues to be to encourage others walking on a similar journey. I also hope to be a voice of insight to others who do not suffer from chronic pain.

An article that I recently came across that I found particular comforting used spoons to explain living with a chronic illness. See link: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Please feel free to share your insight and encouragement.